No you are not going against what JoAnn told you. Whenever you want can't mean that literally. If you had kids, you wouldn't talk about those things in front of your kids. There are times and places for grown up talks...if work isn't one of them for YOU, then that is a boundary. You are not shutting him off from talking, just ensuring it is done in a healthy environment
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
The suspected OW... so I know there was at an EA... suspect a PA, not sure what all is/has gone on. My question: every time she sees me she wants to smile, wave etc. How the hell do I treat her respond??? I want to take the high road but inside I am.. well, there aren't words for the feeling inside me...
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Oh I know those feelings! In fact those feelings rage in me today...been a rough/emotional few days.
Take the high road by ignoring her, marginalize her, she means nothing to you, you are better than she is, you are stronger than she is, she isn't worth your time.
All easier said than done.
That's what I think...not sure I am right on this one, but it is what I think you should do
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
I dread the day we will be alone changing in the locker room... having to converse with her on some level. I need some serious guidance on what to say or better, what not to say. If I ignore her/treat her rudely, I am sure that will go back to H and SIL. Ugh.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
I'm not sure I can answer today what to say. Not in my current frame of mind. I've never had to see/face OM from my stitch, and if I did...I worry about having the strength to restrain myself...
Hopefully someone else will chime in soon
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
OK - I am in a better frame of mind today, thinking more clearly. I have no experience with this as the OM in my scenario has always lived long ways away...but I feel for you and don't envy your situation.
Think the best approach is to act as if, as if nothing is abnormal or wrong. If you go on the attack or the offensive, there is a chance it will draw them closer together, a chance it will validate all the awful things in the WAH's mind, and it will be what they both expect. What they don't expect is you to be stong, indifferent and act "as if." Use the technique from MWD on acting as if to the OW also.
So if you have to make small talk, make sure you are happy and upbeat without going over the top and without touching a subject that tells them anything about what is going on in your life: Isn't this a lovely time of year, I like the weather like this. All the new and interesting things to do, sure tests my self disciplin to buckle down and focus on my studying.
Then if at all possible turn and walk away with a smile on your face.
Telling the OW that she is the POS snake in the grass that we all know she is won't do any good (although I'm sure it will make you feel better!).
The best way to tell them they are not worth your time is through your actions. Marginalize their importance. Easier said than done.
Feel free to fire other thoughts/questions out here... I am struggling with something similar so maybe we can help each other by talking through it. I was so tempted yesterday to email the OM to let him have it and tell him to leave my W and family alone. He seems to be developing a pattern of emailing about every 4 or so weeks...and that isn't doing us any good...and I know that snake in the grass knows it
(())
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
I don't think that we should be expected to normalize this type of behavior for anyone. That seems to be what they are always looking for when they act "nice." You need to do what's best for you so figure that out first, then act in a way that's consistent with that.
Maybe, I really don't know. I don't have the experience to go on and I don't remember if MWD addresses this in her books. I only know the one time I took the low road, I reacted on emotions, and posted a simple phrase that was an implied threat to flush OM's career...it pulled them closer together and re-ignited the passion in a way. So that's my fear of telling OW what a dispicable creature she is
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
