Please help ASAP

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Hey blgp.
Was just thinking about you and your sitch.

I just got off the phone with my soon-to-be lawyer.

This made me chuckle ^^^^ STBL

[evolve35]

Well... he isn't official... I haven't paid him !!

[gutwrenching]

You are doing great. Now channel some of this relief into your studies...keep you future on track on all fronts. You are strong, and you have gotten to this point faster than most. Keep it up

[gr8 day 2B alive]

You are strong, and you have gotten to this point faster than most. Keep it up

I agree. Some never get to this "point" andtheir sitxh never changes.

How was your w/e?

[gutwrenching]

Thanks for the kind words you sent me, it is appreciated and I want to comment on a couple things you mentioned

I think my H was also depressed trying to juggle M and OW. He was extremely guilt ridden... still is but seems to be coming out of his depression with us separated and him filing for D. I think he is in the fantasy of finding his happiness

If there is anything like my sitch, there will be ups and downs with the depression and the guilt. Hopefully at some point reality will hit and end the fantasy. We actually had a conversation this w/e that was really tough on me, but I learned a lot about what went on (more than I wanted to know, but W needed to talk about it so I listened). She always knew what she was doing was wrong, deep down, and a couple of times she wanted to quit/stop, "but just couldn't"...that is the addictive nature of this I guess. At some point he will either have to face reality and the guilt or hit bottom. And if that doesn't happen, well you are young, strong, a successful career in front of you, and you have learned a ton from this experience...so his loss will be someone else's gain.

But don't give up hope, your sitch is still early on.

[evolve35]

Thanks you again GW. I always look forward to hearing from you.

Just ran into him in the hall. He wanted to engage in conversation again! I talked briefly with him, was pleasant but preoccupied and was the first to leave...

I have no doubt this man still loves me and always will and I hope he does come out of his fantasy... but for now I will try to just have faith that I will prevail

[evolve35]

Ok, need some advice.
Ran into him in the hallway. He was walking by, I saw him, looked away and said how are you? in a friendly, neighbor-only kind of way, not making eye-contact as I didn't want to engage in actual conversation. He stops to talk anyway, wants to know if I got the letter he brought for me that he had put in my work mailbox. I said yes, then he wanted to know if I had gotten the letter from his lawyer as he had gotten a copy. I told him I didn't know as I haven't checked my mailbox. He said, "OK, no biggie" and walked off as I continued to look elsewhere.

I have been doing so well here at work the past couple of days but this just takes the wind out of my sails. I can't concentrate, feel nauseated.

I am thinking of setting a boundary... maybe matter-of-fact telling him that he has hurt me more than anyone in my life and continues to do so when he talks to me about this at work... could he please not discuss this with me at work.

Is this too much to reveal. Should I just tell him not to talk about this at work? Am I doing too good of a job acting nonchalant? He obviously searches my eyes to see what I am truly feeling. I have been all smiles much of the time in the last couple of days.

Thanks for any input...

[TimeHeals]

Leave out the "hurt" crap.

"It's not appropriate to discuss our personal problems at work or use the work mail, email, and so on to do so.".

And it's NOT. In fact, my company makes you sign an agreement that includes that sort of thing in what is not good conduct.

[evolve35]

Hi TH,
I know you are right... this is why I posted here so someone would beat me over the head!
One last thought, when I was speaking with JoAnn some time ago, she had advised to always let him talk about whatever he wants to talk about... am I going against this? It seems that I need to set boundaries, yet I don't want to necessarily scare the squirrel away.
It's all so maddening.

[gutwrenching]

"It's not appropriate to discuss our personal problems at work or use the work mail, email, and so on to do so.".

I agree with this ^^^. I received the same advice in my sitch. If you want you could add a very short sentence about we can talk about personal issues on our own time if you like...or leave that out.

It is too convenient for him to talk about this stuff at work, where he knows things will stay calm and controlled with others watching...and it throws you for a loop. You don't need that at work. Trust me, been there, done that...avoid this.