Looking for help with WAW - 2

[Piano]

I also haven't had an explanation. 15 years, a baby on the way... My WH said while I was pregnant "It wasn't the time or the place to talk" about what had happened. After our baby was born, it still wasn't the "time or the place". Then he left to live abroad with OW. No explanation is really difficult because you start to think how horrible can I be for him/her not to be able to even SAY what was wrong. But you have to tell yourself that they are confused, they are going by feelings, not 'reasons'. They are broken. I think we need to give ourselves closure. I think if my WH came to me now and wanted to discuss what happened, I would not want to know anymore... Too much pain. I don't want to relive the past year again.
Coming up to a year since Bomb this Christmas, and only now do I know I can live without WH...but I still would prefer to be with him.
I understand why you say you would like to have had kids...sometimes I think my little girl arrived to look after ME! and I feel I now have the best part of WH. But it's much easier to detach if you don't have to discuss kids for the rest of your lives.