Fair enough. I've certainly been wrong before when speculating on her actions.
I'm struggling with sending the message that I'm still interested in starting anew while maintaining a healthy level of detachment.
As upset as I've been the last year. I'm learning to take some pleasure from some elements of this ridiculously busy schedule. Watching my son play ball and finding a sort of newfound weekly spiritual refresher at church have provided some much needed pause in the daily grind.
M / W: 43 D8 S6 M 10 years / T 13 years W admitted EA/PA: 10.6.09 Separated in same house 10.6.09 W moved out 2.27.10
I'm struggling with sending the message that I'm still interested in starting anew while maintaining a healthy level of detachment.
OMG...OMG...I know the feeling dude. Man do I. Here is the thing...we start this journey and it really is about tactics, we feel like we can somehow change them, we feel like our every move, every action will result in a response of some sort from them.
Then
Something happens inside of us..
We see things differently
We feel different - we can't explain it - no of our friends really "get it"...when this happens...IMO
You are beginning to see and feel your growth. When that happens...
You worry less about what message you are sending because really YOU just start being YOU.
The new YOU.
Tactic get thrown out the window. Yeah you will still question yourself BUT you really just start being YOU around her.
What are you scared off?
Scared that you will scare her away? She's already left dude.
Fuc* that - be YOU. Be the new YOU. In doing so, she just may start to realize that YOU really are the better option.
AND
When you can appreciate the time YOU do have with her, with your kids, when you can appreciate where you were and where you are today...well then my friend, you become amazed at just how much patience you really have.
Dude - detachment doesn't mean you cut her off...it means that you love her from a distance. The distance YOU set.
Have you begun to realize that this is all YOU?
That YOU now decide?
That YOU my friend, will ultimately say when it is over.
Be you crushed...be yourself.
One small warning...NO EXPECTATION. Enjoy what God has given you TODAY...worry about tomorrow tomorrow.
Have a good night bud
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
yeah, its difficult trying to convince friends and family that this is a process I'm entering - especially when I have not totally convinced myself of it. They are rooted in retribution, for very good reason...they love me and want a pound of flesh from those that have hurt me.
Yet, when explaining the looooong process to others, you really appreciate how exceptional the people here are when its reinforced how many others would char the earth and walk away.
M / W: 43 D8 S6 M 10 years / T 13 years W admitted EA/PA: 10.6.09 Separated in same house 10.6.09 W moved out 2.27.10
Another crappy Halloween. Last year I catch the text from OM warning W to be "on guard" - of her dang husband no less! This year I'm the funny guy. I'm the tooth fairy in full wings, tutu and tights. The kids love it but as I'm waiting for W to get ready, I catch a glimpse of the Blackberry the OM bought for her. Evidence of him still around. I was proud I didn't grab the thing and check messages as I did a year ago - and then microwave it. I guess it wasn't a total loss. I caught more than one mommy checking what the tooth fairy was rockin'.
M / W: 43 D8 S6 M 10 years / T 13 years W admitted EA/PA: 10.6.09 Separated in same house 10.6.09 W moved out 2.27.10
Yet, when explaining the looooong process to others, you really appreciate how exceptional the people here are when its reinforced how many others would char the earth and walk away.
It took me a long time to stop even talking about my feelings surrounding my W, my M, the whole ugly sitch with my friends. After I would have verbal diarreah of the mouth I could see the pity in thier eyes.....they just don't get it.
Don't get me wrong, these friends are there to support me no matter what and I am blessed to have them. They just don't get it like we do here.
You know when you do hit that "healthy" place in your "standing" and YOUR life is moving forward......your friends and family will see it and they will have a renewed respect for what you are doing.
When you TRULY realize that you can be HAPPY without anyone (including your W) in your life, people will notice and want some of what you have found.
Some of us find that place sooner than others, I think I have found it in the last 2 weeks, it is a place of peace and contentment. I am almost 16 months post bomb, long time for some, short time for others, just right for ME.
Originally Posted By: crushednstuck
I'm the tooth fairy in full wings, tutu and tights
Not sure this is the place of contentment that I was speaking of, maybe Eric's place of peace.....not sure, LOL
You sound good, I like the physical contact with your W, however it is going to be VERY HARD not to form expectations, look objectively at it and if you think you can't handle it then back off of it.
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
yeah, its difficult trying to convince friends and family that this is a process I'm entering
1) Why do you give a chit what anyone else thinks? Need validation and approval? Don’t trust yourself just yet? Hmmmm, maybe something you should take a look at. The other reason you are having a hard time is…
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especially when I have not totally convinced myself of it.
THIS ^^^^^
What is their to convince yourself of? Are you trying to convince yourself if you should “stand”? Are you trying to convince yourself that you are not totally fuc*ing crazy and that you joined a web site that goes against the grain? How about you convince yourself of ONE thing right now…
Take the wife out of the equation. Right now, fuc* her.
Take the kids out of the equation. They will be fine dude – trust me. YOU both are probably good parents.
Take the job, house, friends and [censored] dude..take me or anyone else that post to you out of the equation. House is material that can be replaced. Job well that can be replace as well. Friends….hey true friends you don’t have to convince.
What are you working towards Crushed?
Something tells me your working towards saving your M. Right? Psstt…many of us are BUT is that the first thing we should work on? I’ll let you answer that one.
So…..How about you take all of the above out of the equation and then convince yourself of one thing.
CAN YOU WORK TO BE THE BEST MAN YOU CAN BE.
Can you convince yourself of this? If so, well then fuc* me and everyone else. Just become it.
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they love me and want a pound of flesh from those that have hurt me.
Typical - because they see you hurt. When they see you strong, when they see you smile. They will understand and so will you.
Quote:
Yet, when explaining the looooong process to others, you really appreciate how exceptional the people here are when its reinforced how many others would char the earth and walk away.
Long, short, what’s the difference (and no lady or GRIT responses please,,,hee,,,hee..) …no seriously dude, YOU’RE HERE TOO…so what does that say about YOU crushed? That you too are exceptional. Me, trust me dude I am just a regular guy trying to get his chit together.
Quote:
I'm the tooth fairy in full wings, tutu and tights.
Did Grit lend you the tutu?
Quote:
I caught more than one mommy checking what the tooth fairy was rockin'.
Finally, some one that can vouch for me…I keep telling everyone that the “chicks” love the tutu…no one ever believes me. Tell ‘em Crushed. ROTFLMAO.
Have a happy Halloween my friend,
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I understand what you're driving at, but being a skilled employee, nurturing father and loving husband are components of what defines me. My success at these pursuits has as much to say about me as my education, spirituality, and physical presence.
Hey you must go against the grain here. Only the true DB'er can tap his inner strength, go with his convictions, gird his loins and pull on a tutu.
M / W: 43 D8 S6 M 10 years / T 13 years W admitted EA/PA: 10.6.09 Separated in same house 10.6.09 W moved out 2.27.10
Speaking for Mommies everywhere, the reason you were being checked out is because the dude in the tutu is the neighborhood perv, and she had one hand on the pepperspray in her purse. LOL
Hey you must go against the grain here. Only the true DB'er can tap his inner strength, go with his convictions, gird his loins and pull on a tutu.
I call this being comfortable with ME
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
