WAW The cold & cruel truth!

[25yearsmlc]

re-read Bluestar's post please. You are NOT in any form of "no contact" at all. You have more contact than 99% of people.

Also, do you have a good L? I am one, (no, I'm not volunteering OR advising) but please have a L with enough resources (not a solo practice without enough support employees) to fight for your kids AND your future, That means that you don't pay child support for someone who doesn't have the children. That money could be used for their lifestyle with YOU or their college. Why give it to her? I'm not saying be punitive and "show her the consequences" but I have a hard time believing you'll have to pay her alimony (ONLY 11 year marriage, per HER) AND child support AND have the kids that much?? Your L told you this? What state do you live in?

And regardless, I agree her work hours and vision of her future is delusional. A new man is not going to be turned on by her choices. But you know what? Only ONE thing will reveal all of that to her...so let it. Let the truth be revealed, so she can find it out for herself. Nothing you say will convince her like reality will.

As Bluestar said, Drop the rope, stop ALL R talk, let the money talk be the L"s job b/c that IS THEIR JOB!! Keep your distance from her and for lack of a better phrase, MAN UP...

Stop letting her tell you to leave the marital home when SHE already left it. Her lease terms are not your problem. Why would you cook food for HER? Pursuit...and Feed the kids before she gets there OR assume she'll bring food for them. If she forgets, They'll tell her they're hungry, right?

Why do you try to read her mind AND then choose to see it all negatively? You assume she's repulsed by you. Don't bother spending an ounce of energy wondering what she feels or thinks. Focus on how YOU feel about YOUR LIFE and what you are creating. Be there for your kids which means no more worrying about how she sees you or thinks the world is flat or the sky is brown...she's not relevant and she's not healthy enough or objective enough now anyhow. It's alien spew. Ignore that.

Just be an upbeat well dressed man, with a new fragrance on, going somewhere and if she needs you she can text you (as can the kids at any time they need to of course). No reason to tell her where you're going or with whom.

Take a class or activity (ballroom dancing often needs more men in the class) you've always wanted to take. GET OUT and GET A LIFE...asap.
You have to do this no matter what. She has not had the space or time to reflect on her choices as you are constantly attacking her choices. No woman can handle mommy guilt for long so they either return to the home (WHICH SHE WOULD HAVE DONE BY NOW) or she'll turn the guilt into anger at YOU...

Expect that. Don't take it personally or believe it's justified. But expect it. Like it's from a script. B/c it is. And in time, memories of good times and loving moments will resurface. she'll hear a song or see a place or the kids will mention a memory of theirs, and she'll be moved. IT WILL HAPPEN.

You don't need to push the memory thing at all. Back off Big time. Blessed, there's no other way for us to say that & how many times have we?? Can you do it?

And did I read that you have not read the DB books yet? That explains a lot...sort of....I mean, this site is based on "solution therapy" (Ie do what works, Relationships made up of 2 people change, by definition, when ONE person acts/reacts differently. Don't focus on your childhood or the 'why's' of it all, but NOW do what works and do more of it, and don't do what does not work. Simple in theory. Revolutionary in practice...READ THE BOOKS....) Back off, etc BE A MAN ONLY A FOOL WOULD LEAVE...

j-