I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[g450]

So your in the UK? LOL. Good God that explains everything.

[whatisis]

CTH, date whoever you want...just take control of your thread!

[Reincarnated]

The politics aside (really, please put it aside)......

I did attempt dating too early, myself. Of course I didn't think it was too early, then - I was sure I was ready. It wasn't until I was out there and experienced it that I realized it for what it was.

CTH, you may have to go through that, too. I think I was lucky - I corresponded with a bunch of new people, met a good-size handful, and messed around with one for a few months until he (thankfully) moved across country. There was one man who I went out with twice who was much more interested in me than I was him, so I ended it pretty quickly.
I was still raw and hurting from x....missing him terribly. Dates just made me miss him more, not less. I didn't fall for any of these guys, which was fortunate, given my co-dependent tendencies. It was a year since the bomb, 6 months after he moved out and filed for divorce.
The divorce happened about 6 months after I decided that I just wasn't ready - I needed that time, and more, to heal and learn what it is to be single in the world.

The issue that you might run into is the woman who you go out with - those who think it is ok to date someone who is separated.
Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't think of dating anyone who wasn't at least 1+1/2 - 2 years post-divorce.

I had a wise person tell me that you are ready when you don't feel like there is something missing in your life - in fact, it is hard to imagine making room for someone new. Then, only the "right" person will fit.

Good luck, and if you do continue dating, be careful, truthful and have fun.

[v1olin]

Ok, I will help balance this out a bit. I think that "dating" for CTH is important because, like a lot of doormat types, he needs to build up some more self confidence. That fear of rejection is a hard thing to shake and it will not serve him well when he is in a legal battle with someone that will walk all over him. Getting out there and meeting new people, dating people, playing team sports, whatever...to me, it is all the same thing. BUT, for someone that has been through what most of us has been through, asking someone out might be one of the biggest fears to conqure.

[v1olin]

I am talking about a date once in a while. NOT a full blown relationship.

[ClingingToHope]

At the risk of reigniting a war, I read there are something like 130 Tea Party candidates running ... and not one of them are running as a Democrat. I'm a liberal and am becoming more so every time I hear Ann Coulter or Glenn Beck speak.

Hey, don't hate. It's part of who I am.

The date is set. Thursday night in a town 30 minutes north of here at a new Japanese restaurant.

The one who posted about the type of woman who would date someone who is separated ... that is a very, very good point.

I am excited because it's going to be something new ... good or bad.

Just from a logistics standpoint, it can't be much more than a casual thing anyway. She lives 30 minutes away. Beginning next month I start working my second job where I'm scoring basketball games Tuesdays, Thursdays and every other Friday and Saturday.

It is true I am still married and I don't want to be acting like a WAS. That's been in my head for a long time. The frustration has been mounting. This past week it kind of came to a head when my L met with her L. It's been eight weeks since we heard anything. It's five months since we agreed to the custody agreement.

So in eight weeks, what did they discuss ... the house isn't selling ... well, no duh. We owe more than it's worth. So they set a meeting next month ... to talk about the house.

STBXW doesn't want to be married to me ... this is what she tells the girls every chance she gets ... but she doesn't seem to want to wrap up the D either. I don't know if it's money or control. I do know Friday was tough getting the wedding rings back. It was a sense of finality. I mean if there was ANY doubt in her head I don't think she would have given the rings back.

As for tonight ... tiring but fun night with D8. I had to make three trips back to apartment to get the final stuff. I am all moved in ... but not all unpacked.

It's hard to describe how excited D8 is about me having a house --- even if it is smaller. She can jump on the furniture. She can sing. She can run a jump and bounce off the walls.

Being in the apartment was really, really, really hard for a girl with her energy.

We talked about what a big step forward it was for us. She's still a little sad that we aren't all together, but she's happier than she's been in a long time.

[awest1217]

With STBXW and the L, just based on my experience, it could very well be the L that is dragging his feet and not her (looking for the finalizing). My L said we could be done as soon as 2 months after I filed. It is now almost 3 months and I haven't talked to her about anything since 3 months ago. Nothing has been done partially due to H not getting info to L, and part of it is L not going after H to get it.

I just say this because STBXW may not be playing mind games with you, but the L might be, or the L is just lazy.

[TimeHeals]

don't know if it's money or control. I do know Friday was tough getting the wedding rings back. It was a sense of finality. I mean if there was ANY doubt in her head I don't think she would have given the rings back.

You took the rings back? Now, laws may vary state-to-state, but in most of them... you don't get the rings back if you actually marry, so was that about money... or control?

Not trying to give you a hard time, but sometimes we see in others what is going on in ourselves.

[mishka422]

Family heirloom. Those are generally an exception to the 'gift' rule. I believe the rings were CTH's grandmother's.

[ClingingToHope]

Yes. Mish is right. The rings belonged to my grandmother. They were married 52 years. My sister and especially my aunt were adamant I get them back. My aunt is still upset at my mother that she gave them to me in the first place.

STBXW saw the new house. D11 couldn't find her homework folder this morning so STBXW drove over to see if I had it. I didn't. D8 gave her a "tour" of the house. It's only five rooms. It wasn't a long tour.

D11 called me from school later to have me text STBXW that the homework folder was in her desk.

Poor D8. She was so excited to give STBXW the tour. She said "did you hear mom. She loves the house. I love it. You love it. Mom loves it. Maybe she'll visit more."

I don't think it's really sunk in yet for D8.