Agreed. How can you even begin to work on yourself unless you acknowledge that poor boundaries and not standing up for yourself in a calm, responsible way are probably part of the problem?
And I'll be there Just as soon as I'm all straightened out Yeah just as soon as I'm perfect.[/i]
I'm not suggesting that a person needs to be perfect before she can begin to set out boundaries, but that she needs to have developed some self-understanding. To go back to one of Coach's early examples, of a woman in an abusive marriage. It's unrealistic to think that she could suddenly set up appropriate boundaries. She doesn't know why she keeps coming back after the abuse, she doesn't realize that she is duplicating her parents' violent example; she doesn't know her own voice or how to communicate. She literally cannot say "Don't ever hit me again" because she hasn't got that self-respect yet. I think a lot of the women who come here are so co-dependent that they have to confront that fact and work on themselves before they can start setting appropriate boundaries.
