Beautifully expressed, Coach. However, I'd offer the caveat that a person can only stand up for himself/herself, etc, AFTER working on himself to recognize what he doesn't love about himself (and how that has impinged on ALL his relationships), how he can become a person he'd respect, what his core values are, what issues he hasn't yet dealt with from childhood, etc. After all, a person can only set boundaries once he breaks free from what has (up to this point) been binding him.
I think it's SIMULTANEOUS, Cyrena. Don't you? I can be a seriously flawed person, but I don't feel I need to perfect all my flaws before I can insist on no "crap behavior" from those around me. I do think I would need to say something like "Look, I know my own role in the problems in our marriage, and I'm working on them," yadda, yadda, yadda. To be credible (and hopefully, you're SINCERE in that).
But I don't think you lay out firm boundaries AFTER you've cleaned up all of your own issues. I think you lay them out UP FRONT, as you begin -- also UP FRONT -- to work on your own.
