In your case, things do seem to be working and I encourage you to re-read my last post, although for benefit of Starsky309 and FrankV, I would like to clarify one statement.
Starsky, you are right. The OW is another source. What I really meant to say is without push or pull from Zen herself. Furthermore, Zen, I believe you could be right in that sometimes the OW - when things start cooling down - start going down the same road of overpursuit themselves. That is why I think it is very wise - given your current observations - to continue with your current approach.
I also agree with Starsky in that in some cases - where affairs are hot and heavy - no one is going to make much headway. That is the whole point of dropping back, protecting yourself and abandoning overpursuit. However, many affairs begin to die of their own accord and this could very well be happening in the present case.
While I know some of the other posters here are supporting you and looking out for you, I would avoid one size fits all interpretations of what is behind someone's affair or what explains it. With all due repsect to them, your backing off at the right time may be the one thing that could save your relationship. Conversely - your boring into them, pursuing them, trying to steer them right, whatever you want to call it, may be the worst thing you can do.
Indeed, each case stands on its own. In your case - the one that matters to you - the classic DB approach you are using seems to be working and this does not surprise me.
