What is and is not DBing

[flowmom]

Sometimes, the spouse just doesn't love you anymore.

Accept it, forgive and move on.

Honestly, that is the advice that I want to give 90% of the posters here. I hurt for the children and the innocent bystanders, but the LBS can move through the grief stages then start a new life...a happier one IME.

Unfortunately, this is the myth that is antithetic to DB, as I understand it. See p. 54 of DR (for those who require references).

MWD recommends the LRT for those with a spouse who want a divorce and/or the couple are separated (including in-house). That applies to the majority of folks in this forum IME. This is what MWD says about the results of using LRT (DR p. 129):

One of three things happens when you use the last-resort technique. The first is, nothing. Unfortunately, there are times when, no matter what you do, your spouse has firmly shut the door on your marriage.

That is the first thing that she says about the effectiveness of LRT. She also is careful to not give false hope to those dealing with infidelity, MLC, depression, etc...common sitches.

So ABG, I respectfully disagree with your statement that I have propagated a "myth that is antithetical to DB".

And I'd like to take this opportunity to thank CityGirl, who joined my thread early on and who helped me to face the reality that my marriage was over. I DBed for six months, and I'm proud of that. But IMO MWD never intended DBing to involve living in denial or having false hope. I'm glad that you're quoting from MWD because I think that her actual writings are far more helpful than some of the distorted ideas of DB on this forum. I actually would be curious to know what proportion of forum participants have carefully read DR.