So..........my H is buying a house.

[handlingplanb]

Thanks. Actually the sadness and hurt are overwhelming the anger at the moment and my attempts to hold it together at work are failing.

I ran home for lunch to let the dog out and grabbed a jacket because it is cooling off here. When I returned my co-worker said "nice jacket." It happens to be a jacket my H bought me a few years ago for Christmas. Earlier today when she saw me in tears I complained that I wished I could stop letting all of this bother me. Her response was that I couldn't because I was still in the "middle of it all." I know she was referring to the fact that I am still married, and don't have "closure." She has referred to this before. Somehow I don't know that I will ever not be "in the middle" of all of this.

Honestly, how do you forget 30 years? I hope I'm wrong, but I don't see that divorce will give me closure. I can survive on my own. I can handle everything that is thrown my way on a daily basis - I know that because I do. I don't need to be married. I don't need my H. I want what I had that I can't have anymore. In some ways I've made a lot of progress, but in others I'm back to bomb day.