Still needing some encouragement

[kissak]

Thank you Eric...I do strive to be myself everyday. Trying harder now than ever.

I wont be making any more decisions right now about anything, just taking care of me. Funny, my H asked me last night if he had to fear for his life, or anybody beating him up, had I taken out revenge on him....I was seeking revenge at all. OF course thoughts did go through my head of what I could do, but Im not like that. I did feel bad about throwing him out on the street, but he has to learn that he needs to live with the consequences of his actions.

I was cooled off before I did anything. Yes, Im still angry and I still doubt myself, but I know deep down I did what was right for me. Still hurts though. After holding on for sooo long, it hurts.

But time for the healing to begin. H has been left to deal with his choices and what he has lost. In time I believe he may see that...maybe years, but I think he will see it. I know change wont happen over night with him, he may say he needs help, but does he really believe it deep down?? He needs to dig just as deep as I do.

Thank you Eric...I appreciate your thoughts and help, as do I appreciate all my friends here. I have the best support line on here and also with my friends and family on the outside....I love them all and they all support me 100%....even my inlaws support me and that says alot.