Some how she acts up and either she puts this stuff on you, or you take it upon yourself to deal with it for her (with good intention to be sure). The fact that you do it though, conditions her that you solve her problems. It is a recurring theme that your problems are your problems to solve and her problems are your problems to solve.
Saying I kept her busy is probably not an accurate way of describing things, because she wants to do all these activities. She's not good at self-initiative, and prefers to have a partner. I'm a willing partner who would do these activities anyway.
Your point is well taken, and I think your description of the R dynamics is accurate. I do get pulled into trying to influence her to getting committed to fixing her problems (smoking, exercise, job-hunting). I did make the choice of not doing her job hunting for her, and let her suffer the consequences of being unemployed for four months. I think partnering with her for dance lessons and outings, and exercise classes is fine and helpful. I think I'll back off on trying to get her to attend the smoking cessation class at our fitness center. I sent her an email reminder, and haven't heard from her. The other thing I'm better at is not being negative with her because she has these issues. I'm better able to hold onto my positives better, and am not as influenced by her negatives.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
