Should I Tell Her To Move Back.....?

[gutwrenching]

Sounds like you are at peace, and that is good. Sounds like maybe you have gotten off the roller coaster

[gr8 day 2B alive]

I did decide not to ride the roller coaster any more. I don't like them and will not partake.

Some said let her actions give me her answer. Well, it's been a month and no action. She still is unable to communicate her thoughts and feeling to me. I actually feel sorry for her just a bit.

I can't and won't be with someone who can't communicate their needs and wants to me.

Is it really going to take the crisis of officially D to make her realize what's happening?
IDK.

[mza8]

Hey Gr8,

Sorry to hear that no communication from your W. She has her own issues to deal with. Future made a good point in my thread. He said that maybe it's something in them that's broken. This helps to make some sense of the sitch. We've made tremendous changes in ourselves and have become better people.

It's really sad that our Ws are willing to throw that away. It amazes me because do they really think they will find some perfect person with no problems? I can save them the time and asnwer that one for them, NO! They'll be starting all over with someone. We've learned from the mistakes. We've done our homework now on what it takes for a successful R. Why they wouldn't want to give that a second chance I have no idea.

Anyway, just wanted to stop in and say hang in there.

[gutwrenching]

Is it really going to take the crisis of officially D to make her realize what's happening

Only time will tell...everyone person is unique and different You have done amazingly well and become very strong.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Earleir today I contacted my W giving her the letting go speech..... I finally get it, you aren't attracted to me, I can't be with someone who doesn't want to be with me deal.

Looking for some guidance here;
Here was her reply:

I think you are very wrong about a lot of things. I was and am attracted to you. What's more confusing is that I do love you. Funny how you "can't be with someone who is not attracted to YOU," since that is how you made me feel for so long. Please recall 4th of July! ...if you can!
Our conversation a few weeks ago lead me to believe that you were not interested in me anymore and the condescending tone didn't help matters. I did try to read the book, but since I can only read it at night, I started having trouble sleeping because I was up thinking. I put down the book for a while...and then we went to D5's school party. I don't know what I was expecting, but I guess I thought you would make some sort of gesture. Then I just realized that we don't really know each other that much anymore. Thing is, that I was very angry with you for so many things. Not working on the problems when I brought them up and letting them get so far as to me leaving before making a concerted effort to change. It took me a long time to not be mad at you anymore and everyone has said they can tell that I am not angry with you any more. I needed to get passed the anger first. But you wanted immediate results, an answer right now. You played games with me for the first 6 months & then stopped trying at all with me after that. Six months! I put in 8 years of trying with you. The main problems were problems from day one & I continually tried with you, repeatedly. Read a book, ask the doctor, begging & pleading with you to come upstairs. Only to be made the same promises over and over again. Would you be so willing to trust again??? Do you honestly think it would change? You don't have to answer me, just answer yourself


the cage has been rattled. I can dispute some of her points but I know better now.

What's a guy to do?
Do I bring up the fact that she slept with someone else?
She wasn't thinking about me when she did that.

Lots to think about now.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Anyone?

[gr8 day 2B alive]

I know how am going to proceed with this.
Just interested in other opinions.

[XYZ]

Gr8, I don't have any advice for you and am interested myself because I NOW believe MY W could have have written this part:

Thing is, that I was very angry with you for so many things. Not working on the problems when I brought them up and letting them get so far as to me leaving before making a concerted effort to change. It took me a long time to not be mad at you anymore and everyone has said they can tell that I am not angry with you any more. I needed to get passed the anger first. But you wanted immediate results, an answer right now. You played games with me for the first 6 months & then stopped trying at all with me after that. Six months! I put in 8 years of trying with you. The main problems were problems from day one & I continually tried with you, repeatedly.

Except I'm only a 1 month in....long road ahead.

[pinhead]

Wow,

Lots of good info there. She's attracted to you! She said she loves you!

She's been really hurting, and that's been turning to anger.

And she wanted you to make a gesture, to reinforce her feelings.

[ArnieBGood]

There is a lot of pain in her response, and she's giving a lot of information about what is going on for her. If it were me, I would begin by validating what is being expressed - not all of it, just one or two of the most charged ones.

But that's me.