Still needing some encouragement

[kissak]

Thanks to all of you. But I have had my enough. The emails were too much. I could not stand to be around him anymore. He is gone. I told him to leave. I packed his things and told him to find somewhere else to stay.

This will never work as long as he has the need for sexual attention from other women.

Weird though, what you thought would have happened didnt. He was in shock when I told him. I sent it in a text. He wanted to talk. He got off work and tried his hardest to find me. I avoided him for the most part. Told him I had had enough and I deserved to be treated with respect as his wife.

Of course he begged me not to throw him out on the street. He begged me to do this a different way. I did tell him what I had found. Of course he had an excuse for most of it...but admitted to a few lies...then starts blaming himself. He hasnt blamed me yet. He said it was all his fault. That he has problems. He needs help. He isnt a happy person. He NEEDS that attention from other women to make him feel better. HE was selfish and irresponsible. He is sorry he hurt me. He even wanted me to just cuss him out...

It hurt me alot to do this. But Im being honest with myself now...it was never going to work. HE had no respect for me and I had lost all respect for him. I trusted him not to hurt me again...and he did. He lied, he wants me to believe he is telling me the truth now about everything, but I cant. I want too, but I just cant. I can not live with him like this and I told him that as long as this was who he was going to be, it wasnt going to work.

I told him that IM sure he could find some place to stay tonight, that he seemed to have plenty of friends and if any of them were his true friends they would help him....then he said that was just it...he didnt have any true friends. That I was for the most part his only true friend. I dont know if he was looking a pity party or what.

Im standing my ground. I have changed the locks, told him I dont want to see him. He isnt begging me to take him back, just for a place to stay.

He needs to figure out why he is like this. He needs to find his happiness and figure out that he is in charge of making himself happy, that depending on others for it will only let you down, because people will let you down. Im only there to share in HIS happiness, but if he cant find it, he will never be happy.

Im so sad for him. Im sad for me. This is hard. BUT this is the decision I have made for me and my children and I have to deal with it. God is with me.

My kids are taking it better than I thought. My daughter is relieved he is gone. My son, well he is missing him, but understands that he cant be there. They have felt the tension as well. My daughter told me she hated her daddy so much the other night...well, she shouldnt, but that is how she is feeling right now.

We will all be ok. Trying to fight back the tears today. But for the first time this morning i woke up feeling better.

I may not have gone about this the way some of you would have, but I have to stand up for me. If I keep letting him treat me this way, well, then I have NO respect for myself.

Pray for me...I need it today.