Looking for help with WAW - 2

[mza8]

Hey Mr. B, thank you.

I guess I hoped that she would wait until the house was sold before filing for D. If the house sold I was going to suggest we take a break for 6 months or so before we did anything with D...to clear our minds since the financial stress would finally be over. After taking a long break we could talk and see if she still wanted the D or not. It's difficult to think clearly when under so much stress.

Yes, I do feel that she used me to sell the house. I think she used me for a lot of things. I am still the only one who maintains the house. She does not help at all. I think she stopped by two Sundays ago to get her mail but that was it. She's been silent the paast two weeks and now I know why.

I have prepared myself for D but I'm not sure how ready I am for it. Yesterday and today have been tough. Just when I was beginning to get myself into a better place mentally, I get hit with this news. It knocked me back. I find myself once again thinking of what went wrong with the M, analyzing what I didn't see and could have changed.

I still find it difficult to understand how easy this was for her to leave. How during the entire past year she never once approached me to talk about her reasons for leaving. I am still filled with the same questions today as the day she left. I think those unanswered questions are what's making it so difficult for me to move on. If I was a horrible person to her than I would understand her not wanting to talk to me. But I was a very loving H and I deserved better from her. This is hard.