So..........my H is buying a house.

[handlingplanb]

My H is buying a house. He is still my husband. We are still married - 24 years (together 30), despite MLC (??), despite the fact that he moved out over 2 years ago, and despite the fact that he is convinced that we must divorce. I have an attorney on retainer to represent me when he decides to do the work and get his divorce, but I will not do the work for him. I know this is what he wants - and will eventually get, but I remain resolved to let him do this on his own.

He sent me a text at the end of August that simply said "he made an offer on a house." Two weeks ago he e-mailed and said that it looked like the house deal was going to go through, and he was going to be asking me to sign a form to acknowledge his purchase and to recognize that this was his debt not OURS.

Yesterday afternoon he e-mailed the form, and said that he was closing Thursday and needed to have it signed by then. I forwarded the form to my L yesterday to review and let me know if I should sign.

At 12:30 a.m. today he sent another e-mail saying he just realized that he is closing tomorrow. I sent a simple e-mail today telling him that I forwarded the e-mail to my L. If he needs it to close that he needs to contact her to let her know that he now needs it tomorrow. He answered that he does need it to close, but if I already asked to have it by Thursday that he would just hope that she would review it early and it would be available tomorrow (???).

I guess at this point, nearly 3 years into all of this, I am numb. I am hurt. I am angry. I asked for the address of the property and he gave it to me. I looked it up. It is an amazing house. It's a half a million dollar property that he is getting for a little over a quarter. In our rural midwestern area - that is a lot of money. It is a VERY nice house.

It hurts. To know that he is buying a house - he has complained about his rental for quite some time, because it was "embarrassing." BUT it was his choice to move and his choice to move in to that house - and he has acknowleged that as well. The house that he is buying will not be an embarrassment. I know that the kids will LOVE it. They have lived in separate homes long enough that the ramifications of their father buying his own house will most likely not phase them - that they will be very excited about the cool new house. They will be happy to move out of the rental. I wish I could share in their excitement. However, he hasn't really talked to them about the move. They came to his house one day to find a for rent sign in the yard. He told them he was looking at a house and yesterday my S11 came home and said one of his classmates saw that he was moving out of his house.

I am hurt. I am angry. We have equal amounts in savings in our names and he assures me that he will be using his portion of the savings to fund his new house. I will leave it to my L to decide what if anything this will mean financially for me, or what assurances I need that this is HIS debt.

I am hurt and angry because of the stark reality that is setting in, and because I can't get past the pain and just live with the reality. I don't know if I will be able to afford my house when it is all said and done. I do not have the future income that he has.

I am hurt. I am angry. Everything seems to be falling in to place for him, and I just feel alone and abandoned. I will never understand.

I want the pain to stop. I want to be rid of the anger.

I have lived my life as if he was never returning for quite some time. But reality sucks. I'm handling everything as it comes my way the best I can. I don't have another choice, but today the reality is a little more than I can take and I just don't know how I'm supposed to cope with this.