This could get confusing as I am Cat as well...LOL
Listen, I see you asking questions, questions about how to act and how your H should be acting...
I see you very concerned with what others have told you and now you seem to be looking for someone else to tell you how to behave to get him back...
With MLC, which I believe you should read more about, Lance gave you links on your other thread (btw, staying with one thread, topic, and in one forum is what the others mean), only YOU can make the decision if YOU believe he is in MLC or not...
IF you do, then you need to prepare yourself for a long hard road, that may or may not reconcile your M...
As Jack said there are no quick fixes, no magic pills or any thing specific to make this work or not...
A 180, that is something you do for you...something your H complained about that maybe you don't like about yourself as well, that you change. And you change it for you, to make you happy, NOT to make your H decide that you are changing...
MLCer's can smell fake change from ten miles away. They KNOW when we are doing something for the M and when we are doing for ourselves, and if you are doing it just for the M, they will not take the bait...
Snodderly's advice about being kind and compassionate...
Is the best advice you are going to get...
However, that does not look the way you think it should look...
It does not mean going to the MLCer, trying to date the MLCer, inviting them over for coffee like you might with your neighbor down the road...
It means giving them their space to do what ever it is they need to do, and being an EAR IF they come to you to talk...
Listening with little or no input, not trying to fix, just simple understanding and validation...
Becoming the safe place for them to turn to...and often biting your tongue in the meantime...
My MLCer, wanted my opinion on the Christmas gifts he bought his GF last year...
They will do and say crazy stuff and contradict themselves many times over...
They will get angry over nothing and everything...
Take this time, and decide if that is what you think you are dealing with...
It really doesn't matter what every one else thinks you should do, you should only do what you want to do so that down the road, you have NO regrets...
That does not mean you will remain married and it does not mean you will get divorced...
You can do this if you want to...
Listen to the others posting to you. There are some great people here...
Some reconciled, some not, some who knows where, but most of them, pretty happy regardless...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
