What is and is not DBing

[TimeHeals]

Unfortunately, this is the myth that is antithetic to DB, as I understand it. See p. 54 of DR (for those who require references).

Oh, I don't think it's a myth. Maybe any positive feelings they have ever had for you have been burried and strangled to death by resentment or such, or if they are having an affair, you really aren't on the radar at all except as a possible backup plan (and you can be used as a flotation device in the event of an emergency).

The DB stuff comes in when you know this: just because they don't love you anymore, doesn't mean they can't love you again. Unfortunately, no ammount of perssuasion on your part, no attempt to hang on that makes you miserable and unhappy, and so on is going to bring them to that conclusion. In fact, all of these things accomplish just the opposite for the most part, yet a certain amount of this stuff seems destined to happen at the onset of the crisis.

Accepting they don't love you when they are cheating, filing for divorce, and so on is a neccessary step, IMO. Deal with reality. They don't love you.

Once you are grounded, you can work on improving your life and getting it to stick, and if you haven't had so many hateful crazy interactions with your spouse that you have killed every hope of reconciling, who knows what happens when you are really embracing life with or without them?