Irish although you may not be trying to stop the divorce, your email to your H was in a sense a plea to have him stop it. IMO, you were hoping that your email gave him something to think about and maybe you did, maybe you did not; give him something to think about that is.
Right now, your H is dead set on divorce. Will he change his mind? Only God knows sweetie. In his mind this is the answer to all of his problems. You and I (and many others here) understand that getting a D is not the answer BUT your H will need to figure that out himself.
No attempt to talk, guilt or plead will change this.
One big lesson I learned through out this process is about LOVE.
Love in it’s truest form….is the ability to let go of something so that it has the capacity to live it’s life. It is freedom. The freedom to live and enjoy life, the freedom to make mistakes, the freedom to learn or even NOT learn from it’s mistakes. To truly love something is to give it that freedom.
So as hard as it is….love your H by letting him go. Love him enough by respecting his wishes, while at the same time as loving yourself enough to live your life.
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What I am really trying to do is not lose my faith/values through this process. It's important to me.
Your Faith is YOU Faith. Yours to lose, yours to grow and nurture…all YOUR. Since it is YOURS, it is YOURS to lose or give away – Your H really plays no role in YOUR faith. None.
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he is trying to be kind or soften the blow. But to ask me how I would like to be served - give me an f'ng break.
Believe it or not he is trying to be as civil as he can. Your anger right now is not allowing you to see this. Oh, and you have every right to be angry (I just had my own battle with it last night). Irish, try to look at things from his perspective and trust me when I tell you that it is hard..very very hard. Consider this…
Your hurt He’s hurt (although he does not really know why) He feel guilty cause he knows that he is hurting you
So
In his own fuc*ed up MLC way, he tries to be as nice as he can be at this time.
Sucks? Ayep, big time BUT it is what it is. In order for you to get to the right place emotionally, you will need to fee the anger and then let it go..let it go…just like you need to let him go.
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I have a few years worth of exposure to sickening sexual addiction behaviors that I have repressed in order to move forward in the marriage.
Move forward in the marriage OR not face some of your own fears? Think about that for a sec and read your own comment. “Years of exposure to sickening sexual addtictions….”
Do you think that was healthy? Do you understand why you did not do anything about it? Dig a little here Irish ….I have said many times…look in that mirror and face it. Once you see something about Irish YOU don’t like – kill it!
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But I admit I have not handled things perfectly
No one does. Your not perfect Irish – never were, never gonna be (that is unless your me – just kidding)
You should strive to be better …not perfect…just better.
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blown any chance of H respecting me
Fu*k him respecting YOU…how about we start with Irish respecting Irish? Respect YOURSELF enough to say to yourself….my H does not even warrant a phone call, a response to an email, not even a look from me.
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or missing me in the future
How can he miss something if he know it will always be there. Knows that he can have it, speak to it, manipulate it to respond to him, he can control it….sh!t he has not even had time to miss it.
Irish – become someone that he would be a fool to leave. Give him the space to “miss” and the way you can do that is NC, dark, dim, whatever ya want to call it. This period is also good for you. It allows you to heal.
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I can't worry about that any longer. I am finally getting to the point where I feel as though I don't deserve this. I want to get as far away from it as I can. I want to heal.
This ^^^^ is the best section of your post.
No you can’t worry about HIS life and HIS issues and who is going to fix them.
No you did not deserve this.
Heal Irish….
Take all the time in the world….
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
