It was her day with the kids last night, so she was here all night... I hope she would stay elsewhere. Very clear that she doesn't want anything to do with me... has such an angry lookon her face when she's near me. I can actually see her getting aggitated by my presence. I was doing dishes when she walked in. Of course the first thing she asked was are you gonna be here all night? I responded yes, I do live here. I started to make dinner and she comes in the kitchen to take over (she rarely cooks btw). I didn't want to fight and thought it was a nice gesture to make dinner. She comes into the kitchen and starts harping about how it's her day with the kids and she wanted to cook for them, so I wouldn't use it against her and call her a bad parent. I told her I was just trying to be nice that's all. She goes back in the living room apparently steaming. I heard her tell the kids, hurry up and fo your homework, because were leaving. It really hurt me to have her be so rude and have her moving the kids around like pawns. I'm disappointed to say I cried. I told her that her presence and actions hurt me, and I wish she would just stay gone. She went on about how it's her house too and I have not paid her anything yet. I am just so amazed how concerned she is about money now, and how she could care less how much pain she causes me, how devestated she's leaving me.
I told her I didn't understand how she could treat me so cold when I am the one who was wronged. She again brought up my infidelity, which happened over 10 years ago now and over 2 years before our marriage. Then she started going on about his I was never there for her and that's why she kissed the first guy during our marriage. I guess she felt she was justified. There were times I wasn't there for her, but I was working alot to pay off our house. I was not out on the town, but I did let her down. There were many time I was there for her, many times I was the only one there for her. Plenty of times she was unavailable to me, she doesn't see that snd refuses to acknowledge it.
In the past 3 years I made many changes and worked hard to make her happy. She claims I only started making changes the past year. Absolutely untrue, but another way for her to discount my efforts. I told her after nearly 12 years of being together and 4 kids, I was hurt that she couldn't even treat me with sone dignity... She chimed in right away, "we've only been together 11 years!" of course we've been togeher 11 1/2 years... Another way to take away from me.
She said she is only sad about the kids, not sad for me. She had cried a few days ago, and said it was remorse. She explained lash night she cried because she feels she is not there for the kids. Since she works 2nd shift, she has not been home for them for years... Not a new change.
I asked her if she would find somewhere else to take the kids when she has them. She got an apartment, but can't move in until the 8th of next month for some reason. She started snapping about how she didn't have to talk to me anymore, how controling I was, that our relationship is over (she loves saying that even when it's not the topic) At one point she went on about how she's talked to people about me and they agree with her decision. I told her I did not appreciate her telling everyone how "horrible" I've been to her since it was not at all true. I told her she she can leave this marriage and I wouldn't stop her, but she didn't have paint me as a monster to justify it. Was I perfect... No, but it is WRONG for her to blame me for anything when I was the ONLY one who tried for the part 3 years. When I've asked her what she did to work on our marriage, she always gets angry and says, "me just being here was trying".
So she packed up the kids left and then returned a bit later saying she wanted to feed the kids. We did try to discuss some money issues regarding the divorce, but mainly she was texting on her phone instead of talking to me. So rude this woman, so hostile. She didn't say much and clearly was repulsed by my presence. She asked if I was going to bed, it was early so I said no. She sleeps on the couch now, so she wanted me to go. I wasn't about to go to my room, so I told her if she was tired she could go to bed on the couch in the basement. Of course she just wanted to text whoever obviously. I did go into the basement and she quickly rolled over in the dark with the light of her phone gleaming as she tried to hide it under her blanket with her glasses on. Whatever!
It's hard to believe there is any light at the end if this tunnel.
