Always and Forever??????

[irishblessings]

25 -
I really wasn't trying to "stop" the divorce. He and I both know that in our state I don't need to sign. He can have a divorce by default. What I am really trying to do is not lose my faith/values through this process. It's important to me.

I agree with you about the "tone". In his crazya** mind - he is trying to be kind or soften the blow. But to ask me how I would like to be served - give me an f'ng break.

I have been dark now since July 30th. I have not been in his way. I do not "stalk" from afar - I have honestly been trying to heal. I have a few years worth of exposure to sickening sexual addiction behaviors that I have repressed in order to move forward in the marriage. The last few months have been a "purging" if you will of the grief, shame, etc. that accompanies it. I am proud that I have missed one day of work through it all. Yes, my S and Ds have seen me inconsolable - but they have also seen me get up from the floor and move forward - we have held each other - grieved together - laughed together. It's been quite a ride.

I guess I know I sound defensive - but I admit I have not handled things perfectly and who knows if I have blown any chance of H respecting me or missing me in the future. I can't worry about that any longer. I am finally getting to the point where I feel as though I don't deserve this. I want to get as far away from it as I can. I want to heal. I want H to get well - that's the bottom line.