LBS Living...

[irishblessings]

Thanks 25 - the ego thing hit home. No I wouldn't shrivel up with grief and yes, part of this pain is humiliation/embarrassment/shame. I don't like to admit it - but it is there.

Last night I drove 2 hours to watch my middle daughter dance at her college's football game. Of course, in the past this is something that was shared - but last night it was me alone. So in between dances, I grabbed a beer, my ipod, and sat and people-watched. I was alone - but ok. Afterward, went back to her house ate a little bit - got up early this morning and came home for pilates. My new life. Today, H is making the drive to have lunch with her for her birthday. There are times when it is all so odd that a year ago we were at parents weekend together having a great time. But here's the deal I had a GREAT time too. It just was different.

25 - how's my life going / what am I doing to be happy with myself and my kids? First and foremost I feel clean. I am not exposed to daily reminders of the sexual addiction behaviors. I am beginning to create structures that are healthier for me and for the kids - even the older ones. I am more focused on creating a lovely home and home-life for me and my son. I am thinking more clearly. I am resting when I need to and not beating myself up so much if I don't accomplish all that I set out to do. I am beginning to put words to feelings if that makes sense - developing some clarity. I am making plans and following through with them. I am saying "no" when I need to say "no".

I am doing better...thanks for asking and for your incredible perspective!

[dl443322]

Attagirl, IB. Now you're onto something.

This all takes time, my friend.

But you are on the right path.

Of course, you will have moments of sadness. It was, afterall, many years with your h.

But, you can create a new life. A calm, peaceful one. Different from the old, but no less important, no less deserved.

You are doing wonderfully. Keep going.

[irishblessings]

Thanks B. I am definitely trying!

I want to find a better way to get through these pangs of sadness that occur at different points. I know that feeling the pain is part of the journey and at least I am feeling SOMETHING!!

[irishblessings]

Good Sunday morning friends:) Hope you all have great fall day! We have fires starting around here due to the drought conditions. The smell of burning leaves - all day, every day!

Spent a long time talking to my mother last night. Interesting that we behaved very differently in our marriages and ended up in the exact same place. Thought I married someone completely different from alcoholic father - and I actually did - however bottom line comes down to choices. H made a choice to leave - Father made a choice to leave.

I am learning though to spend more time thinking about what I know -
1. I know H is missing out on sharing his life with a pretty great person - ME - -
2. I know H is missing out on incredible moments with teenage S
3. I know I have a lot of potential that I will attain
4. I know that I have 3 amazing kids who see ME as their rock
5. I know I have wonderful friends and family who are there for me in an instant
6. I know I am a healthy person today
7. I know I have a lot of work to do on improving my self-esteem and not taking on the blame for everything that happens in the world
8. I know that if I were honest with myself - with H removed from the house - the air is cleaner (figuratively) - I'm not worried about stepping on toes / making someone angry / worried about him engaging in sexual addiction behaviors and crazy sick stuff
9. I know I am closer to God than I have ever been

I know I am working on:
1. Relaxing more
2. Toning
3. Eating healthy
4. Catching up
5. Dreaming
6. Planning

Pretty good start for a Sunday!

[seeking answers]

Atta girl IB!

If you feel yourself start to slip, look at your list. You're on your way!

[irishblessings]

End of another weekend. Mixed emotions emerging. Middle D had lunch with H on Saturday. He told her that after going to NC for our nieces funeral he realizes that life is too short and he has to find happiness. He felt he was validated in his actions by this trip. Leaves me speechless - but not knocked down.

Right now I feel as if I am "pushing" through the emotions. Like I'm trying to stay standing through them instead of collapsing. I guess that is a sign of me trying to get stronger. Still have no contact with him. And for now that is what I need.

Time to get ready for the week.

[dl443322]

IB, please don't let his words take away the strides you have been making.

Remember he is in crisis. He is trying to find a way to fill the hole he feels. He needs to walk this. It's best if you just continue to stay out of the way.

While I know you want your children to be able to confide in you and come to you with their feelings, it might be best for you to tell them again that what is said between them and their father should be kept between them.

And to say that we all should find happiness and you hope he finds his.

Sweetie, he has to learn on his own that happiness doesnt come from the outside. And you need to let him.

You, on the other hand, are learning things about yourself, finding your strength, becoming who you were meant to be.

And push throught the emotions if you have to right now.

Keep going. Dont forget to live YOUR life, the amazing, wonderful live you envision.

[25yearsmlc]

So, He SAYS he FEELS validated...and we care about this why? I mean, so what? Big deal. Of course he says that, and even if he feels that (as opposed to convincing himself he does OR just lying b/c he doesn't want to admit feeling sad or lonely or doubtful) , the need to share that WITH HIS/YOUR DAUGHTER, is reflective of his need to reassure himself. And others...too much. It wasn't to be cruel but it is clueless. (sigh) What's new? Not relevant...

Look, the best advice I can give is to repeat what I and others have said, BUT to add that if you can do this new way of living fully, GAL, PMA, for 100 days... THEN you can reassess and recommit to it, in another chunk of 100 day increments. IT's enough time to assess whether any change has happened AND it's enough time to manage for you, meaning it's not so long that you can't imagine doing it. You can do this. Who knows? After one or 2 of these 100 day chunks, YOU may be in a good enough place to NOT want to do it for another 100 days b/c you've gone in a new direction...make sense?
j-

[irishblessings]

I like the idea of the 100 day chunks...thanks for the idea!

I started a new thread today since I received email from H that he initiated D with lawyer.

Maybe 100 days starts now:)