I'm working at taking care of myself. I came home from work tonight to change clothes and then went to the hospital to make sure mom ate something and I left immediately afterward. She was pretty upset about me leaving so quickly but I told her I had to get home to cook dinner for Marc. She calmed down after that.
So danged tired!!! LOL
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I can empathize, Mish. I know what it was like when my Dad had cancer and I was rushing back and forth to the hospital each night. It's exhausting but you do what you gotta do. Take care of yourself.
Joggling the back and forth to a hospital is the reason why we dont take my dad to one. That and that there isnt anything they can do for him at this stage.
I am sorry you have to deal with all that. You are such a devoted daughter and your mom is lucky to have you. I hope that things improve soon and she can come back to the house.
Just like Karen said, dont forget to take care of you. Hugs K
Still no improvement in mom's condition. I'm honestly of the opinion that she may never get out of the hospital. She is so exhausted from nearly 8 years of battling this. I don't blame her one bit.
I went to the hospital during my lunch yesterday to make sure she ate and to tell her I wouldn't be there last night. She started to get a little upset about that and I told her I really needed to go to bible study since I had missed last week (we are in the middle of a very intense study of Revelation) and that stopped her from getting too mad about it. It frustrates me that she seems to need a 'good reason' for me to not be there but I feel it's best not to get her too upset right now. I can also see the other side of the coin. If I were sick in the hospital, I would want my family there as much as possible too. It is a scary thing to be alone when you're ill, let alone when you are terminally ill. I hope to never have to find out how bad being that sick and alone is.
Marc is being promoted again in CAP. He is now an Airman First Class. He's so proud that he actually struts! LOL! I'm super proud of him too. He is trying extra hard in school too since I laid down the law that he has to keep his grades at A's and B's in order to continue in the drill team. Incentive!!!
Nothing else to report. I'm not having any kind of life of my own since I'm so wrapped up in the situation right now. There is going to have to be a break soon but I'm not sure how to accomplish that yet. Working on it.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
She's scared, Mish. When people are scared they get understandably needy. In the hospital, you're a number. Maybe staff will come if I need something, maybe they won't. Patients often want those they can rely on, their loved ones nearby. That said, you carry on with your life because if you're exhausted and not getting your supports you are of no use to her anyway. It's hard when you see her need and part of you wants to be there 24/7 but you can't be. Is there a hospital chaplain who could also visit with your mom? Hang in there!
Good for you, taking a little time to recover will help you be there for her more by not getting too burned out too early.
How about taking Marc over to help her with dinner one night? Or having Gabe take Marc and having the house to yourself to get a nap or something?
You never said if you had talked to the rest of your family about the seriousness of this.
I can definitely understand your mom's loneliness and exhaustion. Fighting for eight years just had to be so draining. And it only gets harder with the additional complications that have popped up. Being in the hospital is isolating, are there any home care options or hospice or anything?
((((((Mishka))))))
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I left work and went straight to the hospital with the plan of spending 1 hour there and then heading home to make a healthy meal and a bit of veg time to relax. That was blown apart after I had been there 10 minutes. In a nutshell she had all the symptoms of having a heart attack without the electrical readout of one. They believe it was a combination of acid reflux, a lot of excess gas from a medication they had given her earlier in the day and her inability to change position on her own. I was there until after 11pm and then couldn't sleep last night because I was expecting my phone to ring any minute with bad news. UGH. We'll see how today goes. They are trying to get her blood thicker with vitamin K so they can do a procedure. It's almost to the right number but probably a few more days before they can do it.
Gabe had me book an airline ticket for him for 1DEC-8DEC to go visit his mom. I'm trying not to have anxiety about it but I am not succeeding. My insides are in knots over it, my thoughts keep repeating "So how many ho's is he going to sleep with while he's there?". None of my business. He has no commitment to me. That doesn't mean that my heart and head aren't at war over that but there is nothing I can do about it.
Trust me, 2x4's are not going to help here. We have a sick, twisted semi-relationship with no direction and that is my own fault. He supports me and helps me with Marc and mom. He hugs and kisses me and that feels so nice. Always living in the moment with no future is becoming exhausting as I feel like the next thing I say, the day that I get cranky, the time I am too tired to accommodate his sexual needs will be the end of the road. I have too many other people that need me at the moment to be dealing with this though so I just keep sweeping it away. It will catch up with me and I'll completely come undone right in front of him. I know that. Again, no need to slam me upside the head with it. There is just no way to approach this with him. When and if I do, he will walk. Maybe that would be for the best. Maybe I'm just to exhausted to care.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
