Well here's an update for those who are interested, and of course any feedback on what is going on between us right now is fully welcomed and appreciated.
We are a little over 2 months into things, and are very much enjoying each others company now. We ALWAYS have a great time together.
Bottom line. I'm happy being with my lady again.
Her and I have kinda fallen into a boyfriend/girlfriend situation. We talk everyday... Usually I go out to see her at her place one weeknight and then we spend most weekends together.
This has been really nice. I am enjoying this time.
However, we don't talk relationship much, at all. To be honest, I don't really care. As long as things are good and things feel right I have no issue with whats going on, but last night we did actually talk for the first time in quite a few weeks. I don't even remember how it came up.
She got upset. Not mad at me or upset with me... Just upset in general about a few things...
I am meeting a lot of her friends, and its going well. However, most of my friends are still friends we "used" to have, who after she left and started seeing other guys did not approve of what she was doing, and cut her off.
This is what it is, I can't help how other people reacted.
However, she is very, very nervous about reconnecting with these people and my family. Going so far to say it is going to be a "make or break" moment for us. i I actually respectfully disagreed with that explaining that if she is letting other people decide how her and I end up then there is something wrong.
I think she is just very scared about facing everyone again... And honestly, if I were her, I would be too.
She got very upset talking about this. I just held her and let her cry and told her I knew it was hard.
She told me she is scared. She is scared of us going back to the crappy relationship we used to have.
Again... I understand that fear, as I also have it. Although I am confident in our abilities to work forward and to keep that from happening. I told her as much.
She said, and I quote... "It is totally f#$ked up that I am dating my husband".
I said "yup, it kinda is, but here we are".
She then went on a little rant of sorts, saying how she wished she could just erase the past, and start completely fresh with me. She said she wished I was just a new guy she just met.
A little history here... My wife and I never "Dated"... We did a long distance relationship and then immediatly moved in with each other. My wife has always has a tinge of sadness about the fact that we never did the boyfriend girlfriend dating thing... Which is essentially exactly what we are doing right now.
She said she feels like we are "backtracking".
I told her I did not feel that way at all. I honestly thought that comparing ANYTHING in the past to what we are doing now is a mistake, and we should move forward in our NEW relationship with no baggage from the previous one. Easier said than done, I know, but I think she got the point and understood where I was coming from.
She said she knows that at times it seems like she is kinda keeping me at arms length, but she doesn't mean to, and she doesn't know why she does it other than she is scared.
I have sensed her doing that. Just kinda keeping a little bit of a wall up between us. Nothing horrible... Just a slight hesitation sometimes. I have done it too...
I never really thought much into it as it hasn't really stopped anything from happening. I assumed it was par for the course in the early stages of reconciliation between two people who really hurt each other.
I could sense she was upset, and exhausted from crying, so I just kinda let the conversation die and held her some more and let her cry it out.
I told her I loved her very much. I told her that right now I didn't care if we were married or divorced, if we lived together or apart... The only thing I cared about was being WITH her.
She gave me a smooch and told me she loved me very much. She told me, exact quote, "You are a very good, very special man. And handsome."
I told her that she is beautiful, and I will never neglect her again. I plan to make her feel wanted and appreciated and respected because thats exactly what she deserves.
I then made a flirty , perverted comment about how fantastic her butt looked in her new DKNY underwear... She laughed, and we watched a few episodes of Dexter and went to sleep.
Today we are planning our Halloween weekend together.
So... There you go. I know this is more just a synopses of a convo we had last night, but honestly, outside of that, we haven't talked about "us" much. I don't know if thats good or bad? We really are just dating, and having a lot of fun together. Am I crazy to be really enjoying this right now? Anyone have any insight as to our current situation? Are we moving along well, do you think?
I honestly have no idea as obviously this is all new to us.
We are not seeing a councilor, as of now, but both agree it is probably a good idea at some point... As it stands right now though we are attacking this situation just her and I.
