Lying and Cheating

[midlifewife]

I visited with a new IC today and I am not sure what to think. I sought her out to help me wrestle with my feelings of feeling like I have zero self respect for believing him that this is only a friendship, not that I approve, and it has not become physical. I also struggle with understanding how I can allow myself to be subjected to all this hatred and betrayal and still want this man in my life.
Instead I gave her an hours worth of the back story and let her know I was worrying about him as he has withdrawn totally from his closest friends and family, with exception of the kids.
She suggested I think of someone he respects and trusts to contact him and ask him out for a beer, man of course, and just try to get him reinvolved in his circle and hopefully find someone he can talk to besides the OW. He avoids all due to the MLC and feeling ashamed of his behavior. I am just not sure if this is ok, I have read so many times they have to go through their process in order to complete it and if they are pulled out or forced out too soon they will fall back at some point. I think it would make me feel better that someone reached out to him as I cannot help him, he refuses to discuss anything but kids and money. Is this too much meddling, apparently I am quite a control freak in his eyes anyway. What to do?