Have found out that my H came back home basically because this new OW didnt want him a year ago...now she misses him. He is the best thing that ever happened to her....wonder if she knows exactly how many other women he has said the same stuff to all while being with me?
He is a sex addict.
I feel like such a fool. But I thank God that he allowed this to happen.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
As for the confrontation….sit still for a day or two and really calm down.
I am not going to try and talk you out of doing what you need to do. What I want you to think about is HOW you will do it.
Your angry and hurt and now your true healing must begin AND please do not do anything rash. Ok?
Do me a favor and post what you would like to say to your H.
Post it here first BEFORE you say it.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
WEll...honestly he is texting me wanting to know whats Im thinking this morning and all I can think to say is....Im thinking your gonna find all your stuff on the front porch when you get home today...its over. Then just leave it at that. I will then go to the CS office and get that restarted...then go and file separation papers.
Trust me, I have thought of contacting all these other women who have been fooled by him...but what good will that do? I can see exactly how he manipulated me when we were together...he is doing the same thing to these vulnerable women. They are all women who are in bad relationships or just coming out of one. Its like he is praying on them.
Sleeping with married women too. DOing this all while telling me he wants to come home!! Telling all of them he loves them!!! Im sick. BUt Im calm now. YEsterday was a different story. I tried to stay away from him as much as possible.
HE is going to be furious. BUT I dont care.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I would rather do this by text. I could never confront him with this. I wouldnt be able to do so without tears...and I dont want him to see that.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Im sorry it has come to this too. It makes me sad, but I will be ok.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I'm so sorry that you've been bombed all over again, Kissak. I am glad, though, that you can now see clearly why he has been treating you so unacceptably poorly. I agree, all the anger, restlessness and "what are you thinkings" are manifestations of his own guilt.
I'd suggest that when you confront him, have your friend there to keep things from getting out of hand--your H seems to be very angry at the moment. Also, as you fear, he will try to make YOU look bad. The best way to avoid this is to stick to one statement, and keep repeating it as often as necessary. (Perhaps, "Please leave this house as I can no longer tolerate being in a relationship with an adulterer.")
If you argue with him, or defend yourself, or yell at him, or tell him what proof you've got, or engage with him in any other way, then he can rationalize that you are being angry or unreasonable or misinformed, or whatever he wants. Just like all the other times when he had you doubting yourself, he will twist the truth. By sticking to a single statement, you turn the focus back on him, and you remain strong and don't get waylaid from your primary truth: he needs to leave.
As the others have suggested, don't say anything to him until you feel strong enough to do it calmly, and you have organized anything you need to do before hand. And you're right not to try to contact the other women: if they're damaged enough to fall for him in his state, they can blind themselves to anything they don't want to see/hear.
I have thought about having a friend there when I say something if i go that way...not sure yet.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
If you are going to confront your H you have recieved some very good "emotional advice". I would aslo suggest the following:
1) Consult with a L - BEFORE you confront your H 2) Think about how you see the custody sitch working? What do YOU want? How will this work? What is best for the KIDS? 3) I would avoide mentioning the evidence that you have. If your state is a no fault state (like mine), the one must show that an A is the cause of the failure of the M. Do not share anything with him. 4) Sit down and figure out what YOU need to maitain yourself and the kids. Get specific. 5) Lock yourself away in prayer for a while to center yourself. 6) Once the anger subsides, you will need to ask yourself that question...DO you still want this? It is okay to want to remain married to this man. It really is.
Kissak - think of your boundaries...think of YOU..THis is really time for YOU.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
K, Don't do anything until you've had some time to calm down and get your emotions in check.
I would sit down and discuss the situation w/him..just the two of you. You do not want to involve anyone else in this situation right now. Remain calm, no matter what.
Do not share w/him the evidence you have discovered. You must keep this information to yourself just in case you need to pull it out again for proof. In fact...any way you can print the information off?
He's going the go off and blame everything on you, the situation and the world, but do not get sucked into his drama. State your facts, set your boundaries and go from there.
I'll be praying for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
