Is there any hope for us? 2

[bustorama]

SoA,

You cannot control your spouse's feelings. Whether he chooses to re-enter the marriage is his decision. Anything you do to try to control that decision and bring him back to you will backfire, even if done with the "best" of intentions, and ESPECIALLY while the stove is as hot as it is. Any calls, texts, etc.

You CAN control yourself. You CAN control how you feel. From what you write, it sounds to me like you have alot of negative self-talk going on.

If my marriage does not survive, I will be.....

I destroyed our marriage.

If my husband doesn't speak to me again or decide to reconcile...

Believe me, I understand this negative self-talk. I did it alot in the past and still have to catch myself doing it from time to time. BUT, you can replace this negative self-talk (or the negative conclusions) with other (realistic) thoughts and feel better.

Try to CATCH your negative thoughts and CHALLENGE them. What is a different perspective?


EXAMPLES

If my marriage does not survive....I will be ok because I was ok before I was married. The world will not end. I am not defined by my husband or by being married.

I made mistakes in my marriage, but I am taking XXXX steps to learn from them and improve myself, so I do not make the same mistakes in the future. I own my part of what went wrong in the marriage, but there were two parties and two responsibilities in the relationship.

If my husband does not decide to speak with me and reconcile, I will be ok because I was ok before I met my husband, and I am now taking steps to improve myself even over that.