Question about arguing

[Freckle6]

I know the silent treatment stuff bothered my H as much as it did me, but we're both stubborn at times too. I guess I've decided that it takes two people to play that game so I'm going to do my best to break the cycle. It won't kill me to swallow my pride sometimes and take care of stuff in a better way, especially when it really doesn't matter at all in the big picture. Yeah, over the weekend I thought he was overreacting for getting upset--like really? You thought I knew I was annoying you so you think I was doing it on purpose more? Seriously--get a brain!

Hmmmmm. I'd chalk up the crankiness to him being hungry and tired and forget about it in this case because you have a bigger thing you want resolved and it won't get resolved any better if you get stuck on him being a crab when you brought it up.

It's hard to say on generalities, but do you think there's an underlying reason he doesn't want to talk about the bigger issue? Is it something he feels is a reflection on him (like money issues he may feel that as the man he's not providing adequately)? Or is it something he doesn't think is an issue? Or maybe he just really hates disagreement and conflict and wants to avoid it?

I think maybe trying to broach the subject a few more different times might be best. Try to keep it compartmentalized for now--if he's not receptive to discussion when you try, don't hold it against him right then. And i guess just try to keep it in the front of your mind (so it comes across in your words and body language) that the goal of resolving this is so that you're both satisfied. I know disagreeing about anything triggers the whole flight or fight thing instinctively which makes you feel you're fighting against the spouse, rather than you and your S fighting the problem together to figure out a solution. This part is hard!