no sir, not yet. But that was this morning. How long would you recommend I wait to monitor the result?
The consequence is going to be financial protection (seperate accounts and closed accounts) and me filing for the Divorce. That is why I am prepared to wait until the weekend because we also have our first joint marriage therapy session.
Help me understand.
You clearly laid out your boundary and the consequences - yes or no.
Your W crossed the boundary - yes or no.
If you answered yes to both you enforce the boundary now. Waiting is weak, not atttractive and allows her to spin the story to her liking and get you off the issue. Waiting confuses your wife. She wants direction and she wants you to lead. Trust me you still are going to need a ton of patience, so you can use your waiting hours on better things.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I think this is when your DB coach is recommending doing the LRT technique, once the boundary has been enforced. Now you monitor the results once you have have gone dark, split the finances, worked on a custody agreement, gotten legal counsel, etc. This all happens now. Your wife needs to feel the consequences. Don't rescue her.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I also know the track records of past posters sitchs and so on. I am simply taking the advice of my DB Coach, using the Boundary but also allowing time to see if she comes over on her own. IT could happen.. or not, and then I stick the guns. the result will be the same next week as it would be today... agree?
No, I don't, but I feel like I've already crossed over into "Horse, Beating a Dead" territory, and you don't really seem to want to consider opposing views, so -- once again -- I will bow out.
I am cconsidering it beleive me.. the risk is great and I am the one assuming the risk. I am trying to save the marriage. that is the primary goal. I feel like I have 30 different heart surgeons for a triple bypass.... and you only get one shot.
do not intend to shoot the messenger
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
Your going about it incorrectly. You are focusing on the M too much. Focus(save) yourself first. Then you will see results.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
The way you presented it to her was mean. It was cold and calculating and controlling. I was almost waiting for a "Me Tarzan, You Jane" moment.
Doesn't mean it shouldn't have been done. However you presented it, you didn't enforce it.
Waiting just seems like permission to give her more time to "feel out" what it may be like if she does take the calculated risk to leave you and go to him.
As clear as I can possibly be ~ If you are going to state a boundary, you have got to enforce it.
Otherwise, why bother?
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
A day, a week, a month, 6 months, Doesn't matter a bit. Doesn't matter. Hell honestly you should encourage her to understand the meaning of Koryo. Your boundary is lame. You do not understand.
She is infatulated with a man who is giving her something she has never experienced or hasn't experienced in a long time. It is a thrill. The thrill is a quest. And as long as he is unobtainable she will seek it, desire it, fantasize about it. Take it away and she will only want it more. Think about it. Here is someone pushing her to achieve her best, mentally, physically. Know herself, physically and mentally. Helping her to succeed in something she enjoys. Isn't this what we all want out of life: to feel great about ourselves.
You offer what? More of the same. More of the lame. What do you have that is unobtainable? That is something that she would want to fantasize about having day in and day out and do anything, lie, steal, cheat, to have? Nada. A boundary.
The most successful men in these situations dump their cheating wifes. A "you want them you can have them" attitude. Then go out a create something for themselves.
There is no success in being told: We are Separated. To respond with: I will give you a week to think if that is what you really want.
You encouraged her to have sex with other men in the past do you realize you are still exhibiting that same behavior.
No you don't. You have already decided you wont share your wife with another man.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
