Too long. Shouldn't have mentioned all that stuff about what kind of person you are now and what a marriage is based on, etc. Because basically, she's leaving and doesn't want a "marriage" or you.
Should have just stated the boundary and that's that.
"a marriage deserves the respect and safety of a boundry."
Sure if she wanted a marriage. But you're dealing with someone who doesn't want one.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I also know the track records of past posters sitchs and so on.
What in the world does past track records have to do with your sitch?
You are waffling all over the place, looking for someone to tell you what you want to hear and apparently you have found it in your DB "coach".
You may be "listening" to the vets but you aren't following the words. You may be "stating" your boundaries but you aren't following through with it.
Originally Posted By: Pensacolabroken
"I am trying to be a person that is kind and compassionate. I respect people. I respect you. Marriages need to have healthy boundries for security and safety. A week ago, I told you that I have a boundry that is non negotiable, and asked you to respect my boundry. You said you would think about it. A week is long enough. I am assking you to IMMEDIATLY stop all contact and your "friendship" and relationship with OM." I then said "a marriage deserves the respect and safety of a boundry. I am not asking for something unreasonable."
To much talking going on here, especially since you have already "stated" your boundaries. Short and to the point..."I refuse to live in an open marriage."
Didn't someone already state to get some packing materials etc...?
Originally Posted By: Pensacolabroken
the result will be the same next week as it would be today
It could be worse, by next week she could be sleeping with him while you sit around twisting in the wind, "hoping" for the best and definitely not preparing for the worst.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
"I am trying to be a person that is kind and compassionate. I respect people. I respect you. Marriages need to have healthy boundries for security and safety. A week ago, I told you that I have a boundry that is non negotiable, and asked you to respect my boundry. You said you would think about it. A week is long enough. I am assking you to IMMEDIATLY stop all contact and your "friendship" and relationship with OM." I then said "a marriage deserves the respect and safety of a boundry. I am not asking for something unreasonable."
That's great, now what was the consequence of not behaving according to the boundary? She didn't follow it according to what you said, did she?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
sounded like you were discreditting the advice of others by asking them where they are in their sitch. I'm sorry if that was incorrect.
I know it's hard in the beginning to grasp the concept of what others are telling us to do. It seemd so un-natural that we question the actions.
I know your working w/ a coach. And situations arise in between sessions. That's why you come here. It's all good. Keep an open mind about what have worked for others.
gr8
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
no sir, not yet. But that was this morning. How long would you recommend I wait to monitor the result?
The consequence is going to be financial protection (seperate accounts and closed accounts) and me filing for the Divorce. That is why I am prepared to wait until the weekend because we also have our first joint marriage therapy session.
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
oh and GR8 I do not discredit the advice of anyone on this board. They have earned and paid the price of admission obviously, but not everyone is 100 percent correct in method nor wrong.. I am lost in the woods and many voices are calling me for the way out.
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
IMO yes...You want someone to come along and "wave a magic wand" to fix this the way you want it fixed. You have had numerous vets here telling you waht does and doesn't work yet you ignore them. I know you say you are listening, yet you have no follow through.
Then your DB "coach" comes along and says just what you want to hear...Wait...Don't do anything yet...Watch and see etc... So now, you have stated your boundaries to your W and because you are "waiting and watching" you now appear flaky in her eyes.
If you have the gonads to set a boundary, you need to have the gonads to enforce the boundary when it isn't being followed.
It isn't easy and I am one of the worst offenders when it comes to setting/not following through, however I learned my lesson when I continued to be blindsided by my H.
(((Hugs)))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
