Always and Forever??????

[AntoniaB]

Hey I give you my support too. I felt like I was reading an email from my H there for a second. I think the sort of business-like tone is their effort to try to act detached/unemotional, at least my soon to be exH says that's what he's done when he has sent emails just like that to me. He claims that he "has to" sound so detached that it comes off as callous because he can't let me see him be emotional at all, which he says he is, but just not to me, because in his words, he's "afraid I might read too much into his emotion or get some kind of false hope from it" and so he's just thinking of me when he writes that way.

Well it's bs, they are more about protecting themselves than us at this stage, and that detached tone, almost like a business letter, is their way of acting like they have all their ducks in a row and are 100% sure of what they're doing. They're not. Don't be saddened or hurt by it. They aren't rational.

The one who is rational is you. You have the power to NOT react to that email or to temper your reaction. That means a lot. And you said you were "humiliated". Please don't be. There is NO REASON IN THE WORLD for you to feel humiliated. Don't let his actions color who you are.

Oh another thing, you said all those years came down to this one email. I said the same thing many times about my marriage. But you know that is HIS version of events. The WAS I think likes to try to tie it all up in a neat little package to make it seem like all those years can be ended very abruptly, succintly, even amicably. But that's a huge oversimplification. Again, this is his way of trying to act like if he just treats it as a simple thing, it will be, FOR HIM. But it won't be. This is where they are deluding themselves.

The more I go through this process, the more I feel like the pain and anguish we LBS-ers go through is going to hit the WAS's at some point. They will face the same thing. It's coming for them. They can try to rationalize or avoid it a long time, but eventually, it will catch up with them. The thing is, that if we play our cards right and work actively at healing ourselves and picking ourselves up, and I think if we're on this board, we show that we are committed to that route, our pain has the potential to go away and eventually end. With the WAS, unless they put the effort in that we are now, theirs has the potential to go on a much longer time.

So chin up, we all support you.