Spirit? Seriously? We are invoking spirit as a defense to a challenge of inconsistency?
Hmmm - I missed where I was challenged of being inconsistent. I’d be happy to have any inconsistencies in what I have written pointed out.
Originally Posted By: Frank V
Seriously?
Well, yes - I seriously believe it is in the spirit of DB - that’s what I wrote, and that's what I believe. That’s just my opinion and my perspective - and if you disagree, then I have no problem with that. I can't prove it it one way of the other.
Originally Posted By: Frank V
Unfortunately whatever that is.. it ain't divorce-busting.
I never said it was - in fact I said the opposite:
Originally Posted By: ArnieBGood
what I am advocating would not (strictly speaking) be DB.
Originally Posted By: Frank V
That’s great stuff.. but this thread is about what is and is not dbing.
So what’s the problem, then, in talking about something that is not DB? If it will help, I will omit the “strictly” from my statement and categorically state that what I am talking about is not DB. Better?
Originally Posted By: Frank V
if it ain't coming from the text, then its something else... and not divorce-busting.
Okay. Then it’s something else.
Originally Posted By: Frank V
And saying something is dbing "in spirit" but "not strictly speaking" is just being evasive.
It’s just being honest, since that’s how I understand the spirit of DB to be. However, since it evidently is creating a problem, and since it’s subjective anyway, I’m happy to say that it’s not DB.
Originally Posted By: Frank V
Just tell me where the idea came from instead of telling me it came from the text..
Maybe I didn’t make it clear that I was not quoting the text - perhaps you would be willing to point out where that was said, so I can retract/correct it.
Originally Posted By: Frank V
if someone tells me it came from the text and I can't find it.. I will call you on it...
Good! I’m happy to have someone watching out for that. Now that place where I said it was from the text is where?
The point of boundry/ultimatlum is not to be a relationship builder that comes later. I see it as a method to begin working on the relationship
Agree.
Also, many people COME to this forum, with infidelity having already been confirmed, or at LEAST strongly suspected. So, many folks legitimately do "start with the boundary," and boundaries are, in fact, BEST laid out early -- not later on as some sort of last resort.
Puppy
P.S. In fairness to poor Arnie, Frank, I do believe he sourced a book where his concept of "unconditional regard" was coming from.
if someone tells me it came from the text and I can't find it.. I will call you on it...
Good! I’m happy to have someone watching out for that. Now that place where I said it was from the text is where?
It's the TITLE OF THE THREAD, Arnie. I think those that post on the thread called "What is and is not DBing" have a reasonable expectation that what follows from people is going to be about, you know, what is and is not DBing.
Scgtox laid out the thread, and Coach (and pretty danged funny, I might add) challenged it head-on thru sarcasm and humor, making the point that strong boundary-setting IS DBing (and more effective, to boot). You challenged that, very cryptically/poetically, and the rest of us were trying like the dickens to figure out just what it was you were trying to say.
My phone Coach advises me to maintain the boundary but allow the Wait and Watch step of LRT to develop.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I think those that post on the thread called "What is and is not DBing" have a reasonable expectation that what follows from people is going to be about, you know, what is and is not DBing.
I am still confused then; since what I wrote was categorized as not DBing, why would it be unexpected in a thread of this title? Now if the title had restricted the topics exclusively to DB techniques, then it would make sense and I could see how my posts might be off-topic.
My phone Coach advises me to maintain the boundary but allow the Wait and Watch step of LRT to develop.
I'm confused by this as well, but probably because I'm not completely clear about the application of LRT. My understanding is that, being it is a "last resort," it would necessarily take the form of an ultimatum, since the next step if it doesn't work is D.
I can't find it on the thread either, so there's no context that would help put it into perspective.
