Originally Posted By: cat04
Seeking and others,

I would like to share that some of these MLCer's MUST, absolutly must, get their Divorce.

That does not mean that is the end of things.

With many, it really isn't, however, it can be the only thing that helps them to realize that you and the M, was not really the problem.



Irish,

This is so d@mn spot on. This is what is likely to happen in

my sitch. All you can do is what you have been doing and I know

you are growing. It is not the end of the world although I feel

that way sometimes too. My W truly does love me and I am willing

to bet that your H loves you too. My W has said it to me as well

but the coping mechanism is to run. Divorce, which is running

away from the LBS, is the only thing that makes sense to them in

the state they are in AT THIS TIME. When they finally do realize

it was not the LBS who is the cause of their unhappiness, IF

they figure that out, then they will begin to look within. Then

the hard work begins. They realize then that this is their doing

and the guilt and pain would be overwhelming. I know it would be

for me if I behaved like they have to the LBS. I did not see

that at first, but now after calming down a bit for months, I

can see that facing the immense guilt could be a problem.

Imagine the understanding and compassion WE will need to not

scare them away then because they will be so vulnerable at that

point. A legal divorce is only a piece of paper. YOUR MARRIAGE

was made as a covenant with God. Until that wayward spouse finds

another and gets married again, your divorce really is not over.

Even if the spouse gets married, it STILL may not be over.

How do I know this? The OM in my sitch already did it once

and the wayward W after 2 years ran back to her original

husband. My W is the one who told me this! That is how

messed up our spouses can be during this.

This is the hardest sh!t you will probably ever have to go

through in your life. I am betting it will also be the most

meaningful thing in your life as well. How you deal with this

will define you. It HAS to. YOU are a strong woman. I know you

are.

What is it? 3-5 years? Is legal divorce a requirement? Is having

a live-in a requirement? Is multiple OM's/OW's a requirement?

Is abusive behavior a requirement?

I know this stuff is tough. It HAS to run its course though.

I am in my 9th month of after bombdrop which included her filing

for divorce as a side dish. I totally get where you are right

now. I also know that YOU being here is the right place for you

if you want to accept the help. There are so many good folks

here. I learned that over this weekend how fortunate we all are

here.