Wife is cheating, am sad but confused?

[HopelessInLove]

Sandi2,

Yes, I have asked. Lately, she wants everything in the R and M to be different. W states that she loves the kids but this was not the life that she wanted. She tries to be this constant professional and wants to be social, being with people, going out, having little responsabillity.
She wanted me to pay attention to her, ie dates, doing things together, me complimenting her on her looks or things she has done like her cooking or planning events. I know that was what she wanted. In the last 2 years of our M she basically checked out of us. That was after our 3 child. I know I have made a conscience effort to be that support. Her responses were harsh to me, for instance "you have to say those things because you are my husband." My response would be, no that is what I truly think of you.

I have thrown compliments to her in the last several weeks, and she does not acknowledge or she gives me response of, "no I am not I gained 5 lbs. so I don't..." My response is, that is how I feel you look so that is all that matters to me.

I had a movie that I wanted to watch on Saturday. She was at school doing work. I texted her that I was going to watch this movie and asked if she was interested. It was 9 pm and her response was not yes or no that she would, but would be there another hour. I told her that I had things to do myself and would wait until she returned. W got home around 10 pm, and stated why did I wait for her?

I have heard her and maybe the effort I am putting in or did put in just really did not matter to her because of checking out or OM. IDK. Maybe the life she did want has not involved me, because I am just strong willed like she is. I was the guy who agreed with everything she said and was the "puppy" in the R, for a while now I have spoken up. I do not want people to walk all over me, and that even means W.

I am putting effort, but keeping in mind detaching and GAL.

I guess though at this point it could not hurt to ask her directly what I could do for our R, and that would tell me if I am way off the mark with my efforts.