DON'T DO IT. You just said, you KNOW it's wrong, and it will only set you back. Do you want to go back to 0:00:00 and have to start all over again? So that these two weeks of NC were all for naught?
Keep yourself busy, allow yourself short periods where you cry your eyes out, and then dust yourself off and get right back up on the horse.
And know that EVERYTHING you're going thru, is PERFECTLY NORMAL, and that 90% of us here have gone thru the same things.
I know its wrong to make contact about "us", but it is a massive 180 for me if I told her I missed her, so is that wrong?
She has told me I isolated myself, and she felt alone, so is detaching going to show any changes in me, if you think about it the biggest change in me would be to make contact and speak more to her, she might then feel wanted, rather than thinking, he isn't bothered about "us" as he is just being his normal self and not speaking, he isn't interested in making changes as he is isolating himself?
Its very confusing in my situation, but my feelings for her are as strong as ever, yes i've GAL, I have been decorating my home, going out with friends, basically enjoying my freedom, but I still miss her badly, this has been the hardest day in 2 weeks and it hurts.
Everyone makes that wrong assumption and mistake. Just spend some time reading other people's threats. It would be classic "pursuing."
I know, I know, it's very counter-intuitive. If you doubt it, just start a new thread called "Would it be wrong to tell her I miss her?" and see what the vets have to say.
Dc, I can relate to you about it being a 180. It is still persuing and will get you no where.
More detaching is needed. You can't start acting on your feelings to contact her. You worked too hard to reset the clock back to zero.
Be strong, you can do it.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I think you are rationalizing. Pursuing may seem like a 180, but again, it only drives them away.
The reality is that rarely does any woman come back once they've moved out. Read the posts here, you will see. Separation is just as good as a divorce in many WAS minds and they are free to let there hair down and get their feet wet. At the same time they dont have to deal with any guilt. They have had a long time to learn to compartmentalize.
The marriage is over..at least metaphorically. I suggest you light a fire in your back yard, have a glass of wine, make your peace and have a little funeral. In the unlikely chance that you reconcile, it wont be the same marriage.
I order for you to work through this, you must become the WAH. At this point she knows your still an option, and thus she has control of the situation. You're going to have play hardball and RobX's post reflect this. It's all about respect and she cant love you if you dont have her respect. You have to respect yourself before that can happen.
She has to fight for you, accept no less.
Formerly SGfan M:38 W:33 M:8 yrs T:10 yrs Bomb: Dec '08 Separated: 4/18/09 Divorce: 8/28/09 XW Affair began: April 08
While I thank everyone for their posts, I think WalkingMan you are extremely negative.
If what you are saying is right, if your wife leaves there is little chance of her coming back, we all might as well give up?
I don't want to give up, I want to fight for my marriage, will I be successful?, I don't know, but I'm not giving up on my wife or my family!
Yes I will look after me and if I have to move on with my life, but I cannot help the fact that I love this woman, I made mistakes, and I have to put them right, or at least try.
What sort of example am I setting my kids, if just because something looks hard and impossible, just give it up and walkaway, sorry thats not me.
I cannot control the future, but I have to be able to look in the mirror and say, I gave everything to try and save it, and if it then fails fine, I did all I could.
I understand all situations are different, but to make such a sweeping statement is very negative to all readers.
What sort of example am I setting my kids, if just because something looks hard and impossible, just give it up and walkaway, sorry thats not me.
What sort of example are you setting for your kids if you keep pursuing something that is gone?
Personally I believe the better example is being a strong confident father that focuses on your kids, not your W.
We all want you to get you M back. But there is a time to face facts. Have you made a list of goals for DBing? Things that will give you confindence that your sitch is imporving? MWD suggests this. What are they? Why not tell us publically. Give us five things that you feel will indicate your W is moving toward the marriage.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
