You're still the one

[Freckle6]

Hope, how do I find you on FB? Having a younger child was easier I think. I could cry in front of him when he was a baby and he didn't know and since caring for an infant is so time consuming (yet mindless and rote) it distracted me from what was going on. And those baby giggles where their whole body shakes and lights up are good for getting you out of your depressing funks and seeing what is really important. Once S got older and talked about his Dad and cried for him--that was the hardest and would break my heart all over again in a different way. You know that as a mom, the worst thing is to know your child is hurting and you can't do anything about it other than comfort them.

Artemesia, don't beat yourself up over talking to your H. I think aloof was the way to go. When my H first started making his way back at exactly this time last year, he didn't just come out and say it. He was making contact w/ me in weird ways and my initial reactions were more like WTF and I was very aloof and probably pretty cold too.

One of the things I remember was that he texted me and said that it would be nice if sometime I texted him and told him what our son and I were up to. My first thought was, "FU, you don't have any right to keep tabs on me." I actually thought he was saying something snotty to me and I replied and asked what the hell he meant. He explained a bit and I found out he wasn't being a jerk, but I guess just wanted to know what we were up to when I had S. When this exchange was going on, it was a couple hours after he had dropped our S off after visitation and I had just taken S to urgent care because he had come home sicker after having a cold for like 2 weeks. So, I told him where we were and he called me and we talked a bit--mostly about S and that was it.

The next week was Halloween and against every fiber of my being I texted him and told him about trick or treeting plans and invited him to come if he wanted. He did and it was awkward and I hated being near him and barely said a word to him. I didn't know what was going on with him, but I was not going to let myself get pulled back in again unless he flat out said what his intentions were.

I know it's hard when you think you've moved on and they do something that pulls you back there and you realize you weren't moved on nearly as far as you thought. I never really figured out how to not do that, so unfortunately I can't tell you any magic things to do to protect yourself. You'd think I might have figured this out as it's been going on with him since I was about 12, but I guess not... LOL

Hang in there! If he is having second (ninth?) thoughts he will make them clearer. At this point, I'd stay distant and if he's thinking of trying to reconnect, he'll make the effort to keep trying to get to you and you'll know better where he stands.