Something that was said to me when I "crossed over" into to what I refer to as self realization in all of this.
Just think how long that took for you to get there.
And you did it with a strong support group of people.
A process that IMO can be more effective than seeing an IC for your growth and healing...
Your H doesn't have that benefit.
He is on his own to figure it out. And figure it out he must before you will have a healthy relationship.
BUT
You were part of the dysfunction in your M so that part of it won't be brought back to the equation
A different you= a different relationship
Never discount the capacity for someone to grow. This process and what it teaches is capable of amazing things.
If you are detached, then time and patience can be an investment (not a sacrifice) maybe that you make in your M now?
I hadn't thought about that - having the support, etc... you do get to a healthier place much more quickly! Of course, that's because I was looking for the right kind of help and growth. While I was doing that, my H decided to look for his help in another woman. His decision and subsequent actions took him away from growth into destruction: took us ALL into destruction!
I DO think he can grow if he chooses to do so. Once again, it will come down to his choices on how to handle this. My job isn't to react to that but to steer my course (and thus that of the kids) to a healthy place regardless of what he chooses. SO...in that sense, I do know that time and patience is an investment. How much time? How much patience? I truly don't know but maybe that part is dependent on H. If I don't see any strides towards him becoming the man I want to spend my life with then I don't see giving him a long time to figure that out. I have a life to lead. BUT...that is something I just have to take stock in as I continue the process. I'm certainly not ready to just make a snap decision on that.
