I ask myself what does it look like when I would consider letting my W back in my life.
What is healthy for us. More importantly
When is it healthy for us.
Yup... this is the key IMO.
I made a decision to trust again when we started piecing... and now I know my H was not in a healthy place. He had not done the work, he had not addressed what brought him there. So my trust should not have been given as it was.
Now, after I am moving on with my life and proceeding with D... now he brings up reconciliation again.
He is still not healthy. He has still not done the work.
So I am moving forward with my life, feeling stronger, more confident, and more at peace every day.
He is falling apart. That is no longer my problem. But I hope it causes him to do the work he needs to do.
You sound like you are in a strong, healthy place Sunny and you are handling yourself very well. When you are in this place and truly detached (which is always a process that I find takes a lot longer than you think) you can make the choices you need to make for yourself.
I also agree its a process of taking it slow, watching, observing, and focusing on you.
(((hugs)))
You're right: it is a process and sometimes you don't really know at what stage you're actually in until you get to the other side of it. You know what they say about hindsight!
It really IS a hard decision to trust and I am no where near ready to make that decision with H. Until he shows certain signs of doing the work I am not even ready to THINK about trusting him. The kids aren't either.
He is getting some IC so maybe that will help him get to a healthy place quicker. Whether he does or doesn't, my focus is on me and my three awesome kids! I don't know what makes them finally "get it" and snap out of the coma they've self-induced. Some never do, I suppose.
