Life is on waiting mode. On hold. I am afraid to leave my house for long and get panick attacks when I hear a lot of comotion downstairs. My mother has been informed directly and clearly by my brother that my dad is in last stage, she is crying, she is cool, she is scared and she is practical.
I am OK. I love my dad very much and of course it will be a great loss for me but I dont want to see him suffering. I know he has had a full life and that he was/is loved very much by us his siblings, his friends, his little pupils.
H and I had a "little" argument on Friday. We were talking about a sensitive issue and I said I cant take his avoidance anymore, we need to deal with things (it wasnt about OW). He got very...vivid and said "you shouldnt burden me this period of my life" meaning he is in a difficult period because of work going on attack mode.
He didnt see my reaction coming. I started telling him very loudly and almost to tears, that I have supported him enough year after year with whatever he was facing. This period of MY life, I need support and he should buckle up, shut up and give it to me OR, just shut up and not burden ME. I told him of all people, he should understand this but instead he is acting pretty selfish and self absorved.
He didnt say anything but came to me later and hugged me tight. Our days together are peaceful and easy. He is definitely feeling like a fish out of the water and keeps busy cooking, taking care of the kids etc. My daughter was saying how she likeds dad's cooking better and I was teasing her acting hurt and she said "mom, if I dont say this, dad my leave again...". He didnt comment but felt very uncomfortable. I discussed it with him later and he was sad about it. K
