Unfortunately I think they both want this to be more than an affair. I think they are both making plans to see if they can make it work financially. They seem to think they had some great love 17 years ago that a misunderstanding ended and that now they have a second chance. But this guy earns next to nothing and they will struggle. I think my wife realises she will never have the quality of life she has with me. At the moment I am a convenient cash machine (but not much else) to her.
My main concern is to minimise the impact on the kids. As much as I would like to pack her bags and throw her out I also need to keep life moving forward so as not too traumatise my children.
If you W is not in an A, then doing the 180's, etc. is great. However, this thread reminds me of another case where the WW refused to leave the M home, and continued to pursue OM. We learned from that story just how out of control a WS can become and now beaten down the H will get by not sticking to what he said he'd do.
When a W stoops to the point of saying she doesn't love you and doesn't want to be with you intimately, and that she intends to continue contacting and and being with OM while she's living in the home with you.......that is when he needs to draw the line in the sand and stick to it. She's not trying to be secretive b/c she is throwing it out there for eveyone to see just how much she disrespects you. That is a message from her. She is telling the world how lowly she thinks of her H.
In these cases, I do not see being a friend to such a person. I do not believe it works with a rebellious woman b/c she needs someone strong to stand up to her. That will be the only thing she will respect.
I understand what sgctox was saying in her post,and there are cases where that works very well (if they really know what they're doing). But when dealing with infidelity where a rebellious W is throwing it in your face (as if to dare you to see what you'll do about it) and doesn't seem to care that others know....I don't believe in being her BFF, having family outings, attending family reunions, having sex,and basically trying to keep up appearances...when everyone knows how she is dishonoring the M and her family. How could a man have any self-respect if his W is living with him and flat refuses to stop her A? What does he say when he meets up with his friends and knows that they don't respect him, either?
There may be a few men who could drop the rope while under the same roof, but I'd think it would be extremly difficult due to the daily family stuff getting in the way. A few have been able to make great 180's and pesonal changes that caught the attention and eventually the desire of the WS....but how many have the strength to do that in these types of situations?
Well,I doubted I've answered any questions.....mostly expressed my own opinion.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
