Well, I have thought of things that went wrong with my marriage and do believe I had a part in its downfall. I also know that I can not do a 180 so I can only go forward. I do believe a counselor could help with this but what good is it if the wife refuses to go. I do believe we had issues that needed counseling years ago, but my wife always refused to go. She is and has always been a private person. When I have a problem I get help from close friends and family. I always considered my wife my best friend and she never would speak to anyone because she always felt her way was best. I am not trying to portray it was all my wife's fault. What I am saying is she made things more difficult than it was. She said I was controlling but people who know us have said it is her that was controlling. In many ways I would give in and as a result she lost respect for me. I am a problem solver and can usually come up with a plan that works. Whenever there was a problem my wife and children would come to me to fix it. I should have let them figure it out themselves. My wife felt that I did not stand up to my mother when there were issues and that was true years ago but not now. She felt I never wanted her to have friends or meet people and again that was not true. She and I see things very differently. My son told me my wife dropped out of her school. I believe that is true. My sister-in-law says her sister said school is going well. My wife is always afraid of what people will think of her, She has felt I have thrown her under the bus at times and again I do not feel that is true. I am not perfect and if I could really understand my wife and her fears and concerns; then perhaps we can move forward. I know I am shut out of her world. I would have encouraged her to stick it out regarding her school. I had to do the same thing when she was in nursing school. My problem was that I did not want her to fall so I was always there to pick her up. I know I must detach and let her figure this all out. I can only work on me and try to stay close to my children. I know my wife must feel she is a failure or that she has no other options but I know she can do many things. She has to figure it out. She has always blamed me when things went wrong. I remember my father joking one time. He said if the sky were green then it would be your fault Bob. I do appreciate Lance, Alb, punkin, seeks answers etc help and I do think of things all the time where I need to reflect and work to change myself. Love you guys Bobby O
