I agree that DR uses the terms interchangeably, and that is precisely where I see things differently. Hence what I'm saying, strictly speaking, being "not DB."
If we can do away with the "strictly speaking" evasiveness then I'm with you.
But my problem is that telling someone that they need to deal with a problem before it gets serious enough to have to set boundaries don't help people who are already at that point...
If your spouse is already hooked on heroin or two-timing you then I would say its past the point of negotiation... And the text suggests the same thing and advocates setting and enforcing a boundary with consequences.
I don't doubt there's lots of important ground to cover that should be done before it gets to that point.. but for those who are facing an addiction or obsession in their home this does not help...
There are a lot of things spouses can do to avoid having an addiction or obsession threaten their home.. But if you are already there the text says to address that to shake up the wayward's lifestyle... The text does not suggest working on yourself.. which is what is being passed out as dbing at the beginning of this thread.
But more to my point, wedding vows are boundaries in themselves... The problem is they aren't enforced... not in this world at least.
If you violate vows made before God then that's something you take up with the man upstairs.. But this won't protect the spouse who has to deal with an addict in their home.
Dealing with addiction and obsessive behavior that damages the home (is there any other kind?) then the text advocates setting and enforcing boundaries... It does not say to work on yourself...
We can certainly accept your claim that work should be done long before it gets to that point.. But the text says once it is at that point you need to put the big girl panties on and take your alcoholic/two-timing/heroin snorting spouse to the ultimatum stage.
Should you have to do this? I would hope things don't get that ugly... But once an addiction or obsession hits the text is pretty clear.
