I have made it clear that I see a difference between a boundary and an ultimatum. Evidently, DB (and yourself) see them as the same. Therefore, on the topic of "what is and what is not DB" evidently what I am advocating would not (strictly speaking) be DB. I do believe that what I am talking about, however, is in the same spirit of DB.
Spirit? Seriously? We are invoking spirit as a defense to a challenge of inconsistency?
Sorry your honor, yes, murder is against the law and he did murder someone in cold blood, but not in spirit...
Seriously?
Originally Posted By: ArnieBGood
I am not advocating "standing" at all. It may be difficult to understand that an ultimatum and "standing" are not the only alternatives. Based on the response here, it seems to have struck a nerve - and also revealed that I have not explained what I'm talking about sufficiently well. That's something I'll just have to keep working on.
I am open minded to hear the path between setting an enforced boundary and "standing" (not directly addressing the spouse's behavior towards correction).
Unfortunately whatever that is.. it ain't divorce-busting.
It may be great, it may be written down in a text someplace, but it ain't divorce-busting.
Most people paraphrase the divorce busting approach here.. I don't see hardly any quotes or page numbers referencing the actual source of their advice so we know its coming from divorcee-busting.
I can give you whatever advice I want and say its divorce-busting, but if you can't reference it in the text.. It ain't divorce-busting now is it?
It's fine in my book if it ain't. There is a bibliography in the Divorce Remedy text itself - so we can see where MWD came up with her ideas too...
That's great stuff.. but this thread is about what is and is not dbing.
if it ain't coming from the text, then its something else... and not divorce-busting.
It's your advice or something you read somewhere... which is fine... And it may even overlap to a degree... but saying it overlaps and saying it is divorce-busting ain't the same thing.
And saying something is dbing "in spirit" but "not strictly speaking" is just being evasive.
If it aint' in the text, if you are getting the advice from someplace else, be it a text, a lecture, a video or your own imagination it ain't divorce-busting.
If you want to say it overlaps.. then reference where in the text of both references where the overlap occurs or don't say its divorce-busting.
That's all I'm sayin... This thread started out paraphrasing what is and is not divorcebusting and I find that post to be quite misleading... and my follow up posts are there to demonstrate how this is misleading.
If you want to advocate something outside of DBing I say go for it... Just don't tell me its divorce-busting... Tell me what it is instead... Arniebusting or whatever... Just tell me where the idea came from instead of telling me it came from the text..
if someone tells me it came from the text and I can't find it.. I will call you on it...
