What is and is not DBing

[ArnieBGood]

What I had expressed is, imo, a healthier way of setting limits than the approach most advocated.

[Starsky309]

No one can even understand what you posted, Arnie. Whatever.

[ArnieBGood]

Perhaps you may want to not talk in circles and just come right out and say what you want to say.

So it wasn't clear to you - maybe you would be willing to express what wasn't understood.

[ArnieBGood]

No one can even understand what you posted, Arnie. Whatever.

No one. Okay.

Since it was not made clear, perhaps you would be open to hearing an explanation.

[Serenity13]

Arnie~

I'm sorry but apparently it isn't clear to anyone what you are trying to say.

The best I got is you are the one and only person on the face of this Earth that loves "unconditonally".

And to place a boundary or ultimatum is something a parent does to a child etc...

All love has conditions. Period.

[Starsky309]

No thanks, Arnie. It would seem to me that the onus is on the poster to express themselves more clearly. My posts stand on their own merit.

[ArnieBGood]

The best I got is you are the one and only person on the face of this Earth that loves "unconditonally".

Umm, not quite what I had expressed. "Unconditional regard" is not the same as "unconditional love." The term is from Carl Rogers' work, and since I am used to using it IRL I assumed that it would be understood - which yet again proves what happens when one assumes.

It may not be possible to have unconditional love for another - it may not even be possible to have unconditional regard. That doesn't mean that either one isn't a valuable ideal to be reached for. Just because one cannot be free from sin doesn't mean that one shouldn't stop trying not to sin, after all.

[Serenity13]

There are conditions to each and every aspect of your life, daily. You go to work on the condition you will be paid, you drive your car on the condition you have gas in it, you marry on the condition your spouse won't cheat on you etc...

There is no unconditional love nor unconditional regard on this Earth, if there was we wouldn't be having this conversation on this board.

According to my search on Carl Rogers, "Unconditional regard is is blanket acceptance and support of a person regardless of what the person says or does."

I have another word for that - Doormat.

[Starsky309]

I agree, Serenity. It's not emotionally healthy.

Jesus forgave the adulteress, but He also told her to "Go and sin no more." That was His condition; His boundary.

Puppy

[ArnieBGood]

There is no unconditional love nor unconditional regard on this Earth, if there was we wouldn't be having this conversation on this board.

If there were more of it, then much of the pain expressed on this board wouldn't be happening.

According to my search on Carl Rogers, "Unconditional regard is is blanket acceptance and support of a person regardless of what the person says or does."

If this were true, then it would indeed describe a "doormat." I may have mis-read Rogers on this, but the way I see it there is a huge difference between accepting a person as a person and accepting all that they say or do.

The extent to which I can accept someone else is completely a function of the extent to which I can accept myself. This not only does not imply accepting unacceptable behavior, it actually facilitates maintaining boundaries.