PH, I'm somewhat on board with Atossup. I'm in the same spot requiring two incomes to carry the mortgage which is underwater.
When W dropped the bomb on me, I insisted she leave. She wanted to rent a small place for us to alternate weekends in while the kids stayed in the house full time.
Though we're nowhere close to reconciling, she needed the space to do whatever she's doing with OM and I didn't need to see the evidence in my home. Her decision, her move. She wants space, she needs to go get it so she can truly experience life away from you the way she thinks it will be. This was tough for me because I couldn't keep tabs, see her, etc. But it really helps to work on detaching; despite the fact that its crushing us financially.
I still do family time. While I'd like to limit time with W, I don't want to sacrifice time with my kids. So I see her almost daily with sporting events and dance classes, my method of detachment is avoiding R talk and limiting conversation to the kids. Create your boundaries and stick with them.
Best of luck
M / W: 43 D8 S6 M 10 years / T 13 years W admitted EA/PA: 10.6.09 Separated in same house 10.6.09 W moved out 2.27.10