THanks ladies - my old gang is back just when I really need you - how can I thank you for all your love and concern and great advice?
LR - I love what you wrote. DO you know how messed up I am? It never even occured to me that I could stand up to him like that. I am so used to him smirking, laughing at me, ignorning me that I've stopped even feeling like I could tell him he's terrorizing me. Just knowing how I wont be taken seriously stops me but why not? It's true.
But get this - yesterday when I told him I'd talk to my lawyer about him when he said he was keeping his stuff here...he threatened to take me off the health insurance. So yea, he's using that to manipulate me.
RHW - after a sleepless night last night over losing my house, I am feeling better. I guess I could refinance and I still have two years of alimony so I'm thinking of going back to school for some job skills (I have none!).
Really I"m just back in a depression and it affects me by having a negative outlook like I can't see a way out so there is no way out. I have to work on getting H out of my head - all the hurtful, insulting things - first I'm just in shock as I come out of denial at how horrible and vicious the man I love has been, and secondly I have to find a way to have self esteem after being so beaten down so long and believing him. This is the best I can do for my son as well is start feeling better about me. Right now I feel like the most pathetic, rejected loser on the planet so I have to work on that. He will feel safest if I am secure in myself. And when dad barges in with his horribleness I have to bounce back sooner and be there for S.
