What is and is not DBing

[Frank V]

Its right in the index... you guys are regulars and shouldn't need me to do your research for you, but here's direct quotations from the text :

pp 226 of Divorce Remedy


If you are convinced that nothing in your marriage will change unless and until your spouse is confronted with hard evidence about his/her behavior, then you might consider purchasing a software product that takes "snapshots" of online activity for review later.


There are other passages in the infidelity and depression sections that make it quite clear MWD is indeed advocating you to speak directly with your spouse in order to change things in the marriage for the better.

There are certainly places as well where she advocate making changes in yourself as well. The result, is a balance between working with your spouse to improve the situation, and changing yourself as well.

On pp 230 she also outlines setting boundaries with a definite consequence and follow through if the boundaries are rejected.

I have yet to see a passage in DR anywhere that has MWD advocating setting a boundary without a consequence. In fact she makes it abundantly clear that you must be prepared to follow through on the boundary and its consequences.

For those who don't have the DR text handy I will quote once again :


Once a person is obsessed or addicted to a particular behavior, s/he won't make the decision to change unless they have suffered some losses. They need to realize that their behavior is causing serious problems for them.

Only then will they be willing to look inward.


The passage above is in the context of filing for divorce as an attempt to "shake things up", but its pretty obvious that there are other less drastic actions one can take to get your spouse's attention.

But these acts are not by any means inward looking changes of the self, they are active, direct, and powerful triggering events to turn your spouse around - by addressing them directly. This is certainly not changing ones' marriage simply by changing one's self. This is a direct involvement in changing your spouse's lifestyle in order to effect change in the marriage.