I believe about the worst thing you could have told your W was to go out and get you back. But, it can't be taken back and now she is paying you back, big time.
She's allowed resentment to practically destroy her soul. She's had all sorts of feelings to deal with over the past five years, and now she's in over her head. There will have to be a lot of healing on both sides and it won't happen over-night.
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IS this going to be a long process to where she calls me and asks how am I doing.
Probably. A lot of it depends on how much she she doesn't want to lose you, and if she believes she's in danger of really losing you.
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IS there anyone that she would listen to, I mean someone that could tell her she is tearing up the family.
I believe the WAW listens to only those who support her A and leaving the H. She will not listen to friends or family who try to get her to see the wrong she's doing. She will point the finger at all the wrong you've done and she "deserves" to be happy.
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Is she not showing them a bad example of what not to do. She always had high morals and values and wanted to pass them on to the children. Now it seems like she does not care. Is she truly confused.
First of all, you will drive yourself nuts by wondering why she is not acting like the woman you M. You have to deal with this as though she is a total stranger b/c she's nothing like she once was. All morals have been tossed, and even though she loves her kids, she's not thinking what is damaging them, all she's thinking about is HERSELF. In my case, my mind really was not functioning well. Sometimes I thought I was going crazy. I didn't even recognize myself.
She will not begin to find herself as long as she's in the A.
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If and when we can reconcile who has the more power her or m
Not sure what you mean.
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She told me that she really did not forgive me for my A. (which I do not believe for a minute, I think it was just thrown in there to make her case look good).
Of course she doesn't forgive you. That is the root to all that's happened. That, plus some other emotional problems thrown in.
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Is my W really at this point willing to give up everything and put all of us in a devastating place
Yes! Get your head out of denial and believe it!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi thank you for responding. What I meant about the power is. She is the one after I detach that will come to me and ask to reconcile. If that happens will I be able ask her for transparency or because I had an A she will have the power.
Ok it gets worse by the day. I just found out that my W had friend ed an old college boyfriend on FB. I was over at my house and saw a note that W wrote with his name on it and a date. I asked her about it and she said that he called her out of the blue and asked if she wanted to go to a football game. Well today I went to get my girls to take them out to dinner. I asked my youngest where was her 17 sister. She said that she went with Mom to a football game. This is how an EA starts. Does she think I am stupid, just because she took a D with her to make it seem on the up and up. Sandi I am beginning to think that this fog is dense. I am sorry I needed to vent. I wish more people would respond with there opinions.
So this is a different man? New one every week. She has some real problems and it's not cheating on you. Those problems started when she found out that her M had been a lie the day you told her about your A. I think it will be something a professional will have to help her.
So, in the meantime what do you do? Keep focusing on you. Why were you looking at her notes about OM in the first place? Maybe you just looked down and there it was. It happens. You have to guard what you look at and what you listen to. That is to protect yourself emotionally while you are working through personal growth. I am not talking about being ignorant (as some might think)but why keep your heart cut open while you are trying to reach a different level?
As for the subject of who has the power, I think it would be best to forget that for now. As I see it, neither of you have any power, if it's based on having an A....since both of you are guilty of that sin. I think both of you would have to equally come to the table ready to fogive each other and ready to work on the M.
Right now, the two of you are S and she is going to burn the candle at both ends until she gets burned real bad by another man. I don't think you will be able to stop that from happening. The more you say or the more you react to her actions, the worse she is going to be. Until she is ready for professional help, I think you need to get your attention off of her and focus on you and your children.
Hopefully, she will see that she can't find happiness the route she's taking and will seek help.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi as far as the note , this is when I moved back in for a week. She was out of town and I was just cleaning and found it. And yes I still pay all of the bills. I have the children there so I guess I am stuck. She does work but does not male a lot. It will be a real eye opener when she has to start buying health insurance and auto insurance etc. And it is not a new man she just told me he called out of the blue, but I know they must have been talking on facebook and we all know what happens next. Thanks for the advice. Keep it coming
And you are right not to think about the power at this time. I am seeing my C this week and I am also on AD, they seemed to be working. I have not had a face to face with W in over two weeks. We have tm some but only about finances. I find myself looking at the phone constantly to she if she has called. I guess this has to run its course. I am trying to detach as best as I can.
