Focus on you and only you and don't worry what/how H is doing. Maybe stop asking for updates from SIL so that you can close the door and focus on yourself.
You're right. I need to stop doing that. Even for her. I'd like to continue to be friends with her if possible and I don't want to think I am using her for information.
When I got on the subway to go home after the play last night, I started to cry. I cried on the walk to my apartment. I cried for about a half hour at home before I finally went to bed. I cried because I knew that if H had gone to the play with me he would have really enjoyed it. I cried because I probably would not have even gone if we were still together, I probably wouldn't have even suggested we go.
It was also a profound sadness for what had become of us. When all I asked for was honesty, why did he cling so much to a lie? Why did he do this to me? What went so wrong in his heart that he became such a monster? I worked so hard to try and keep things going, even in the face of the A, but all he did was play games.
But, this morning I got up at the crack of dawn, literally, to go to my friend's house to do her hair for her ballroom dance competition. Then I went with her, taking pictures and helping with makeup. I watched everyone dance. A room full of women, dancing with their teachers, who decided that they wanted to dance. It was oddly symbolic.
H32 Me32 together:10 M:5 No kids ILYBINILWY 7/28/10 OW found 8/15 A exposed 8/31 I Move 9/3 Dark 10/1
